Love and Salvation
by highwaytothe7hells
Summary: After "The Last Battle". Caspian can't stop thinking about Susan, who has denied Narnia and now faces her family's death. He decides to leave Aslan's Country and go to London, determined to save her from darkness and from herself... Suspian/Movieverse [ON HIATUS]
1. In Aslan's Country

**Disclaimer: **_**The Chronicles of Narnia**_** and its characters belong to C.S. Lewis. I don't own anything. Anything! (Well, maybe Ben... =P) **

**This story is the English version of my fanfic **_**Amor e Salvação**_**, which was originally written in Portuguese (id: 5938940). Two good friends of mine have shown me their interest in reading my Suspian stories, so I decided to translate them. This is the first one. :)**

**Hope you enjoy! :D**

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Chapter 1 - In **Aslan's Country**

Life seemed perfect now. There were no wars, no evil, no conflicts, there were no storms. The days were always sunny, the nights were always starry, and the weather was always pleasant.

Caspian watched closely Peter, Edmund and Lucy's happiness. They were now being rewarded for everything they had done for Narnia. Lucy was always smiling. Her confused expression was adorable when she remembered that Digory and Polly were middle-aged people in London – they were in Aslan's Country as well and they didn't appear to be much older than Peter now.

There were also Eustace and Jill, who helped save Caspian's son, Rilian, from the hands of the Lady of the Green Kirtle and centuries later helped Tirian, the last of his ancestry. Now they also reaped the fruits of their good deeds in Aslan's Country, enjoying an eternal happiness, as well as Caspian. However, happiness was not complete to him.

One day, Caspian decided to talk to Aslan in search for answers.

"Aslan..."

"Yes, son? I can see that something worries you."

"Aslan... Why Susan is not here with her siblings?"

"Caspian, haven't you noticed why they are here? Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Eustace, Jill, Digory, Polly... All of them were in a train crash in London... But Susan wasn't. She is still alive out there."

"She's alive... I see... And they are dead... and so am I..."

"I'd rather not to call it death... Life goes on at different levels, and this here is just one of them. This is our real life, Caspian, the place we always return to when we finish our journey in imperfect worlds, such as Earth."

"I understand, but... how is Susan now? She has lost all her family, she is completely alone... My heart aches at the thought that she might be suffering..."

"And she is... Susan lost faith, Caspian. She became futile, caring only about the superficiality of material life. She denied Narnia and disregarded everything she had learned. Now she is suffering the consequences of her mistakes. She needs to go through this another important lesson."

"In part it's my fault, isn't it...?"

"Do not blame yourself, Caspian. Everything happened as it should have happened. But it was Susan's choice to turn against me instead of having faith and believing that everything would be fine. In the end everything is solved, and it would be true for both of you as well. But each one chooses its own path, and I cannot interfere in anyone's free will."

Caspian said nothing. Aslan's words echoed in his mind and he couldn't stop thinking about Susan's fate. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even noticed Lilliandil, the daughter of Ramandu, who witnessed the entire dialogue and now watched him silently.

* * *

Later that day, Caspian was watching the stars when Lilliandil approached.

"Caspian..."

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I... I heard your talk with Aslan today...", she said, sitting next to him.

"Did you hear it...?"

"I know you are suffering, Caspian... And I want you to know that I will support you, whatever is your decision. I know you always loved Queen Susan..."

"Lilli, I..."

"Caspian, listen to me: it was not a complaint, not at all. You made me happy, you loved me as much as you could, I am sure of that... But I know your love for me could never be compared to your love for her."

"Please, forgive me..."

"No need to apologize, Caspian... Our time together was enough and I am very grateful for all the love, friendship and respect you have devoted to me, and also for the beautiful son you gave me. You no longer have any obligation to me. I guess it's time for you to search for your true happiness."

"But how? I feel bad for wishing Susan to be here... because it means I want her to die! I cannot be that selfish..."

"What if you went to Susan? What if you went to London to help her?"

"Would it be possible?"

"I think everything is possible for the Deep Magic, Caspian. Ask Aslan. I don't believe he would deny help to someone who have done so much for Narnia. After all, once a queen of Narnia, always a queen... She certainly still has her merits. And I know one thing for sure: there's no one better than you to save her", Lilliandil concluded, smiling.

"Thank you...", he replied, grateful for the attitude of the Star's daughter. "You were a great partner during our years together, always supporting me as a wife and as a queen, not to mention the wonderful mother you were to Rilian. I am very grateful for everything you have done for me."

Lilliandil smiled and touched tenderly Caspian's shoulder, in a gesture of support and friendship.

* * *

On the next day, Caspian looked for Aslan again and talked about his conversation with Lilliandil and about his intentions towards helping Susan.

"If this is your desire, Caspian, I will concede it. Although Susan has denied Narnia, I could never refuse to help her, especially if it's your wish. You have done grand things for Narnia. You were a great king, a great leader. You will always have your place in my country, but if your happiness is not complete here, you have every right to search for it. And if your search for happiness can result in Susan's salvation, all I can do is allow and bless your decision."

"Thank you, Aslan, thank you very much!"

"But you'll have to start from the beginning..."

"From the beginning? What do you mean?"

"You will be born, will go through childhood, will grow up, and when the time comes, you will meet Susan."

"But... When I find her she will be much older... Won't it be too late to help her? Not that I don't respect your decision Aslan, but I think she needs help now."

"Would you mind finding her older?"

"No, never... I love her and I would do anything for her, no matter how many decades separate us. To tell the truth, centuries already separate us... and I never forgot her."

"Your love for her is true Caspian, and I'm glad to know that. But don't you worry, that is not what I have in mind for you. Deep Magic acts beyond time and space. You will not be born at the present time. I will send you to the year of Peter's birth, or a little earlier, maybe. You will be born into a noble family which will love you and educate you. Meanwhile, you will not remember Narnia – at least not as something real – neither the reason that led you to that world. But you will always have a strong feeling in your heart, a feeling that a noble mission awaits you. When the time comes, you will meet Susan and then you will have back your memories. Maybe it will not happen immediately, but you will certainly remember everything, and it will be as if you've never forgotten."

"And how will I find her if I won't remember her?"

"Deep Magic is perfect, and I will always be here for it to be fulfilled. Deep Magic will make sure your paths will cross. I'm letting you go to Earth for you to get to Susan and save her from darkness, save her from herself... But I have to warn you: it's up to her to recognize and accept that help, she has her free will after all. Things might not be easy. Are you prepared?"

"I am, Aslan. I will do the possible and the impossible to help her. I will not fail, nor give up my mission. Never."

"So, let it be..."

Then Aslan opened a portal into a nearby tree, similar to that one that led the Pevensies back to London after Caspian's coronation. Aslan was giving him some more instructions when Peter, Edmund and Lucy approached.

Lucy walked over Caspian and hugged him tight.

"Thank you for wanting to save my sister, Caspian!"

"Oh, Lucy ... I'll do everything for her, be sure of that."

"Thank you for what you are willing to do, Caspian ...", Peter said. "It's very noble of you to give up the tranquility of Aslan's Country to face a world so inconstant and imperfect as Earth..."

"I know I will face many difficulties, but I love Susan, you know that... I have always loved her. I cannot be truly happy knowing that she is suffering."

"Good luck, Caspian", Edmund said, friendly tapping his shoulder. "I have faith in you."

"Thank you, Edmund. Thank you all. Until one day..."

Having said that, Caspian entered the portal without any hesitation, and disappeared.

It was the beginning of a completely new life in a completely new world.

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That's it, guys! I hope you liked this first chapter.

**Although it's a translation of an already existing story (the Portuguese version is now on its fourth chapter), it doesn't mean it's closed for suggestions. I intend to keep the main plot and most of the original events, but I will surely take all the opinions into consideration when translating the next chapters and make some new additions to the story.**

**One more thing: I'm not a native English speaker, so if the translation gets weird at some point, or if something is not clear, please let me now! I ****tried to do my best, but who knows... Just PM me and I will correct the mess. =P**

**Now... Reviews, please! :)**


	2. London, 1949

**Chapter 2 - London, 1949**

Benjamin C. Whittaker led a quiet life. He was 22 years old and belonged to an aristocratic family, which owned a big ship-builder company. Ben – as everyone called him – loved ships and always had interest for his family's business, which made his parents, Henry and Emily, very proud of him. He had always been a good son and a brilliant student, which he kept demonstrating during his marine engineering course at university.

Ben was a very handsome guy, and he was considered an excellent match. Many girls desired him, but none of them seemed to arouse his interest. His parents wanted him to have a good marriage, but they respected his privacy and didn't insist when they realized he had no courting intentions towards any of the young aristocrats who were introduced to him. They knew Ben had a sensibility which was unusual to the boys of his age, besides being romantic and having already let them know that he would marry only for love, unconcerned with social interests.

What they didn't know was that Ben had already in his mind an image of the woman of his dreams. Actually the picture was not entirely clear, but one element he could see clearly: the bright blue eyes, as the most precious sapphires. He had always dreamed about those eyes, since childhood, and he was sure that one day he would find their owner, and she would surely own his heart. And he couldn't wait for that moment to come.

One night, Ben woke up suddenly. He had just had a dream, the same that occasionally visited his sleep: he dreamed of a portal, opened up into a tree, through which some people crossed. That dream made him feel anxious, for he had the feeling that a piece of his heart was going through that portal, leaving him shattered.

_Again th__is dream... and again this pain... __I wonder what that dream means and why I feel this emptiness in my heart..._

Ben spent several minutes trying to remember details of the dream, but it was useless. He couldn't distinguish faces, and he didn't know the context of those events. Who were those people? What was the meaning of that portal? The only thing he saw clearly was that pair of blue eyes that haunted him now and then. Their owner also disappeared through the portal, and that was the source of Ben's anguish.

Amid so many questions, Ben was eventually won by fatigue and fell asleep again.

* * *

"For goodness sake, I can't take this anymore!", Susan exclaimed, abruptly closing her book. She couldn't wait to finish her exams and just go on vacations. It was all so boring... She liked her psychology course, but going out with her friends was undoubtedly more interesting than being locked in her dorm room studying for exams.

At age 21, Susan was in her third year at university. After finishing school, she showed a great desire for knowing new places, at the same time that she had no idea of what to do for the future. Believing that it was useless to leave her confined at home or force her to go to college without knowing exactly what she wanted, her parents allowed her to have some traveling experiences.

Although her siblings were displeased with her because of her current stage of complete denial about everything that referred to Narnia, they decided to support her travels and helped convince their parents to allow her to take a rest. In their opinion, she wasn't emotionally fine and she needed a "vacation" from her own family and from Finchley, to be away a little and maybe retrieve her reason, which – as Edmund used to say – had been left in Narnia together with his new torch.

After spending a whole year with travels and parties, Susan finally decided to go to college. Despite her disinterest in studies, she felt she owed it to her parents and decided to attend psychology, career for which she felt some sympathy. But her interests were still concentrated in futilities.

Peter criticized her behavior, but she didn't care. Edmund and Lucy said nothing, but she knew they thought the same as Peter. The truth was that they had become extremely annoying. It seemed that they were refusing to grow up, especially when they tried to convince her that that fantasy world called Narnia was real. Luckily, since entering university she spent less time with her siblings. Susan spent all week in the university dormitory, going home only on weekends.

"Enough for today...", she said, laying her books aside. It was too late to call some friend to go out, so Susan decided to sleep early. Moreover, the next night there would be an incredible party, so it would be good if she slept enough now.

* * *

On the next day, Susan attended one of her exams without paying much attention to it, just thinking about the upcoming party. She would have another exam on the following day, but she believed she had already studied enough. In addition, her fun was more important, and she would finally use for the first time her newly bought make-up set.

"Miss Pevensie?", the teacher's voice caught Susan's attention, awakening her from her wanderings.

"Yes, Mr. Turner?", Susan replied, trying to disguise her previous distraction. How long had he been calling her?

"Would you come here, please?"

The professor was at the door and Susan noticed that there was someone else outside. Who could it be and why were they calling her in the middle of an exam? Susan stood up, being watched by the other students, and went to the door.

"Miss Pevensie, Mrs. Hallward wants to talk to you", he said in a sorrow filled tone.

Susan began to get worried and turned to the coordinator.

"Is there something wrong?"

"You better come with me, dear."

Susan looked at the professor and he nodded with a sad expression. Then Mrs. Hallward led her into the coordination room and sat on a sofa, inviting Susan to do the same.

"What happened, Mrs. Hallward?"

"Susan... You need to be strong..."

"What is going on, Mrs. Hallward? I'm getting nervous!"

"Honey... There was an accident..."

* * *

On the next morning, Ben woke up early, got dressed and went downstairs to have his breakfast with his parents, as usual. The Whittaker's house was relatively close to the campus, so Ben didn't have to go to the university dormitory in order to attend it. It was a privilege to come home every day when most students had to stay in dormitories, since their homes were very far from it.

As Ben approached the dining room, his parents' talk reached his hears.

"Poor people... May God have them in peace...", said Mrs. Whittaker, touched by the news her husband had just read.

"It was a terrible fatality, Emily... That train always seemed to be so safe... I can't understand how such an accident could have happened."

"Good morning, Dad. Good morning, Mom. What are you talking about?", Ben asked, coming in and sitting next to them.

"Good morning, son!", Emily replied.

"Good morning, Ben. Oh, you can't even imagine... There was a train accident yesterday, a very terrible one...", said Henry, giving the newspaper to Ben.

_Serious train accident kills dozens of passengers in London_, said the headline. It said that among the victims was almost an entire family, a couple and three of their four children. It was too sad... Someone had just lost the whole family. Ben felt something strange when reading it. He was sure he had already heard about this before. A similar accident, maybe...? But when?

"Ben? Are you okay?", Emily asked, noticing the strange expression on her son's face.

"Yes... yes, I'm fine. I'm just... shocked."

"It's hard not to be shocked... Poor people..."

Ben took his coffee in silence, thoughtfully. He was sure he had already heard about a similar accident. No, it wasn't a similar accident, he thought. It was the _same _accident. That was really strange... It was as if he previously knew about that tragedy, as if that information had been asleep somewhere in his mind, but only now came to the surface.

_Impossible_, Ben concluded. _Is that what they call déjà vu? Maybe it's just that... a déjà vu..._

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**Hello there! I hope you liked Ben! I guess there's no need to say who inspired me to name him that... LOL**

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**I would like you to take a look at my other Suspian fanfic as well, _When it's Love: English version_. As the title says, it's a translation too. I'm really enjoying to do this! =P**

Please keep up with the reviews! I love them! :)

**Review Reply to Sazz: ****Ow, thank you so much! I'm happy you found it interesting, I'm trying to do my best! :)**


	3. The past knocks on the door

**Chapter 3 - The past knocks on the door **

Alone. Completely alone. Her parents were gone. Her siblings were gone. Now there was only her. Only her and her despair... The death of her family was a great blow to Susan and left her in a state of torpor that lasted weeks. Then an intense pain invaded the deep core of her heart, along with an equally intense anger. Why? Why her family had to die so early? Her parents had barely reached the age of fifty... Her brothers were so young and strong... And what about Lucy? She was even younger and so full of life...

Eustace's parents approached her so they could try to overcome the tragedy together. She accepted at first, but gradually she began to withdraw from them. It was already too painful to have lost her parents and siblings... Watching the tears of those who have lost a son was beyond endurance, since she ended up feeling their pain too. Susan couldn't even imagine the real magnitude of this kind of suffering – maybe it would be possible only when she had her own children, which she sincerely doubted would ever happen.

The house in Finchley was empty, depressive, and Susan refused to stay there during the holidays from college. There was no reason to stay there. Her parents would not be there for her. Neither her siblings... Even though they were annoying lately, she'd rather a thousand times spend the rest of her life listening to their criticism than losing them forever. Everything in the house reminded her family, and it couldn't be different. Susan cried to see the chair where her father used to sit, the albums with lots of photos that her mother organized so pleasantly, the dolls that adorned Lucy's bed, Peter's books from college, Edmund's chess set... No, it was impossible to stay there. She certainly would go crazy. Susan then decided to remain in her dormitory throughout the summer.

Almost three months had passed since the accident, and there were still a few weeks until the beginning of the new semester, which would also be the beginning of her last year at university. The money she would receive as inheritance would be enough to ensure the completion of her studies and to live for some time till she gets a job. Her parents struggled to ensure their children's education, and that money probably was part of what would be used to guarantee Edmund and Lucy's college till the end. Edmund had just entered college, and Lucy had just finished school. Peter was about to graduate...

Another day has passed without Susan leaving the dorm for virtually nothing. She barely ate lately. She only left the dorm when a friend of her went to visit her and dragged her outside. Marianne Wotton was her name. Although they were both from the same class, they were not close friends till then, but Marianne was a very kind person and decided to offer her help to Susan after the accident.

Marianne always tried to distract her from her pain, but when Susan was alone, all she could do was cry, though recently not even this she had strength enough to do. She was exhausted. She was extremely exhausted of crying, of suffering. But the pain was there and wouldn't leave her anytime soon. However, she had found a way to get rid of suffering for a few hours, at least. Then she looked at the bottle of whiskey on her desk and noticed it was almost empty.

* * *

Ben had traveled with his parents during most of the vacation days, but he was already back in town. The new semester in college would start soon, and Ben wanted to use the remaining free days to solve some pending matters before devoting himself to his last year of college. Besides, he also wanted to enjoy his free time doing something he really liked, which was read – but read as a hobby, since during the school year he only had time to read his college books.

The library was near the university campus, and Ben decided to go there to search for something interesting to read. The place was nice, very clean and filled with books of many different subjects, from children's literature to scientific works. Ben walked through the corridors of shelves till he found an interesting section. Then he intently began to examine all the available titles. He intended to take a fiction book; it was quite long since he last read this kind of story.

After some search, three books that actually were part of the same series arouse his interest, and when he took them, he noticed someone across the shelf, in the adjacent corridor. A young lady was focused on the bottom shelf, which seemed to be the self-help section.

Something about her attracted him, and he couldn't help watching her. Her pale skin contrasted in perfect harmony with her dark brown hair, which was graciously stuck in a low ponytail. Her lips were full and naturally rosy, and Ben unconsciously held his breath. He tried, but he couldn't take his eyes off them, and he found himself imagining their taste...

Her eyes remained on the bottom shelf, but it didn't take long for her to realize she was being watched. Eventually she looked up, showing her brilliant – but sad – blue eyes.

At this moment, Ben felt as if the whole world around him had stopped. Oh, she was so enchantingly beautiful... And those eyes were exactly the same that visited his dreams since he was a kid. The same eyes that he always believed to belong to his soul mate... And there she was. Ben's heart then started beating fast as he laid still, completely astonished by her beauty and totally lost in her eyes.

In turn, she seemed to be as shocked as he was, and for a few moments she was unable to look away too. Her expression showed a mixture of emotions that went from confusion to complete disbelief. Her eyes remained locked on his for what seemed like an eternity.

Suddenly, she didn't support to face him anymore and quickly grabbed the books she chose and hurriedly left the corridor to look for a seat, leaving Ben helpless and completely baffled. She dropped one of the books, but didn't notice, such was the rush to get out of that corridor.

_Why __did she run this way?_, Ben thought, noticing the book on the floor across the shelf. He hesitantly walked to the adjacent corridor, picked the book up from the floor and started to search for the girl. When he finally found her, his heart started racing again once he realized she was staring at him from afar. Then she quickly looked away and focused on her own books, causing Ben to smile with that reaction. So adorable...

Ben decided to give the book back to her, and started making his way on her direction. The more closer he got to her, the more nervous he got. His heart was beating like mad, and his mind was working frenetically on what he would tell her. He never felt this way before...

"Excuse me...", he said when he finally got next to her, handing her the book. "I think this is yours..."

The girl looked at him again, but soon looked away, picking up the book from his hands.

"Thank you...", she said gently, but without facing him.

Her reaction left Ben confused. It seemed to be painful for her to face him. But why?

"Can I... Can I know your name?", he asked, trying to prolong the talk.

"Susan Pevensie... And yours?", she answered, looking at him quickly and making Ben feel a certain relief to see her interest, though maybe she was just being polite.

"My name is Ben. Ben Whittaker", he said with a gentle voice, staring sweetly at her.

His tone of voice caused her to face him once more, and their eyes met once again. She was about to lose herself in his eyes again, but then she looked away, and Ben could almost swear he saw agony on her face.

"Nice to meet you, Ben Whittaker... But now, if you excuse me, I have to go... Goodbye."

Saying this, Susan gathered her books and looked for the library's attendant in order to register the borrowing, leaving Ben a little hurt. She had chosen a sit and apparently wanted to spend some time reading her books there. But she clearly changed her mind after his approach. Why did she run away from him like that? Thinking about this question, he watched as she left the library – giving another brief look at him before getting out. Her eyes were undoubtedly confused and melancholic, but they were also the most beautiful eyes Ben had ever seen.

* * *

Susan returned to her dorm and tried to concentrate on one of her books, but it was useless. The encounter with Ben Whittaker was extremely disturbing, and she couldn't stop thinking about him. He was incredibly similar to Caspian. The only differences were the shorter hair and the absence of the Telmarine accent. But he had the same eyes, the same lips, the same tone of voice and the same sweet expression... Damn, how was it possible?

Susan spent years trying to forget Caspian, trying to forget Narnia, and suddenly Fate was forcing her to remember everything again. It seemed like a big bad joke.

Since her second return from Narnia, Susan avoided talking about Caspian. It was too painful to know that she would never see him again. But it was only when Edmund and Lucy returned from their adventures aboard the Dawn Treader and told her about Caspian's intentions towards Ramandu's daughter that Susan decided to erase everything from her memory.

It would be less painful to ignore Narnia and Caspian's existence than to admit that he had forgotten her and now was probably in the arms of another – if he was still alive, of course. After all they had gone through together... It was simply impossible to accept. So she decided to pretend that nothing happened, pretend that Narnia was nothing but a children's play – perhaps she would start believing her own lies... After years acting this way, it was almost possible to say that Susan had succeeded and really believed in the non-existence of Narnia.

But then the death of her family put Narnia back in her thoughts. It was in Narnia where Susan lived the most splendid years of her life, and just that time held the happiest memories she had along with her siblings. Every detail came back to her memory, since the entry in the wardrobe until the white stag hunt. Susan replayed in her mind over and over again the years in which they reigned together and became beautiful and noble grown-ups. Together, they brought peace to Narnia.

And now Caspian's existence also knocked at her door. Until then, her mind deliberately ignored the second trip to Narnia, but then Fate brought Ben Whittaker on her way, throwing cruelly in her face everything she had struggled so much to erase from her mind, and increasing her pain just when she decided to look for some help in the library's self-help section, following Marianne's advices.

"Why, Aslan? Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to deserve such punishment? WHAT?", Susan asked while desperate tears rolled down her face. "I can't take it... I can't take it anymore...", she said, lowering her voice amid the sobs as she slid down to the floor beside her bed, burying her head into her knees.

Susan looked at the now empty bottle of whiskey on her desk, wishing fervently it was full and ready to sweep her agony away.

* * *

Ben arrived home and went straight to his room. But he didn't even open any of the books he'd brought. He laid on his bed, crossing his hands behind his head, and began to remember the meeting in the library.

That young lady was the most adorable creature he had ever seen. She seemed completely helpless, awakening in Ben an irresistible urge to take care of her, protect her. He didn't know what impressed him most: if it was her beauty, delicacy and fragility, or her eyes, which were identical to those he had seen so often in his dreams. Moreover, the sadness on them threw a puzzle that Ben now desperately wanted to unravel. But would he have this chance?

_Go__sh, I need to see her again..._, Ben thought. He immediately began to devise ways to find Susan. Did she use to go to the library often? Where else could he find her...? Where? Where...? Damn, that would be difficult. He knew almost nothing about her! But suddenly his heart started to calm down... Something inside him was telling him that he didn't need to worry about it: their paths would surely cross again.

Then Ben realized that this brief encounter had been sufficient to arouse in him something different, a pleasant feeling that warmed his heart and made it beat faster. If before the woman of his dreams was just a mysterious pair of beautiful blue eyes, now she had a name and surname: Susan Pevensie.

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**Hello, people! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope you like their first meeting... :)**

**Thank you very much for all the reviews, I really appreciate them! Thanks a lot! :D**

**REVIEW REPLIES:**

**NancyPants - I'm glad you liked his name! I had a really good inspiration heh. And I'm happy you liked the premise, I hope you like the development as well, I'm doing my best! :)**

**Anjali bose - Thank you very much! Well, this chapter already answered your question, I hope you liked their first encounter... ^.^**


	4. Second approach

**Chapter 4 - Second ****approach**

Ben spent the afternoon in the library for the third day in a row, but it was useless. No trace of Susan. Since he first met her, four days ago, she became a constant thought in his mind. He desperately wanted to see her again, but he felt helpless because he didn't know how to do it.

_There were only three days... __Don't be so damn anxious_, Ben said to himself. He then gave up waiting for now and decided to go to the coffeehouse across the street, since the hunger began to torment him.

The place was cozy and nice, and Ben loved to go there often. They served a delicious cappuccino there, and the butter cookies were simply divine. It was one of his favorite places, even in summer. Ben then went in, chose a table and made his order to the server that quickly came to greet him.

While waiting for his cappuccino, Ben opened the book he had brought from the library and began leafing through it quietly. But soon he stopped to pay attention to it, since he suddenly remembered the dream he had had the previous night.

He didn't know if it was because he got impressed with the sadness in Susan's eyes, or because he wanted so badly to see her again; the fact was that he had seen her in another dream. Well, the dream was cloudy, but he was sure it was her.

The dream had been short – or maybe he thought it was short because he remembered only a tiny part. He saw her eyes again, and they were sad and hopeless – the same he had seen in the library. He couldn't see it clearly, but he knew she was wearing different clothes, different from those he was used to see in England. Her clothes seemed to be from another time... From the Middle Ages, maybe?

Besides her eyes, there was another thing he could distinguish clearly: her soft and enchanting voice. And what she said was the most intriguing part of the dream...

"_I'm afraid that's just it... We're not coming back."_

What did it mean? She said they wouldn't come back... Come back from where? Come back _to_ where? And _who_ were _they_? Ben had an intuitive feeling that her sentence was somehow related to one of his previous dreams, the one in which people crossed a magic portal on a twisted tree...

Ben was lost in his thoughts when a sound of feminine laughter reached his ears. His eyes immediately turned to their direction, and Ben felt his heart stop in his chest when he saw Susan among them.

He was already resigned to go through another day without seeing her, but there she was! He barely could believe it! He felt so nervous that he probably would play the fool if he spoke to her right now...

Oh, she was so pretty, and so fragile... Her friends were chatting lively and trying to cheer her up, but their efforts seemed to be in vain. Susan smiled once in a while, but it was a lifeless, weak smile.

Suddenly, the girls began to whisper and then Susan looked toward Ben and blushed immediately, causing his heart to race. Their eyes locked for some seconds, but she quickly looked away. Then he realized it was him they were talking about. He had been staring at Susan since he noticed her presence, and her friends probably noticed it too.

He had been so immersed in her vision that he didn't even realize who her friends were, but now he was able to distinguish them. Marianne was the sister of his friend John, and Danna was a childhood friend of them. That information was interesting... He and Susan had acquaintances in common.

At the table where Susan was, she had become the center of attention.

"Ben Whittaker doesn't take his eyes off you, Susan!", Marianne exclaimed.

"Su, you're so lucky!", Danna said.

"You are mistaken..."

"No, we're not! I noticed as well, he's been staring at you for the last fifteen minutes now, he seems mesmerized by you! Lucky girl!", Danna replied teasingly.

"I don't know him well, but my brother is his friend, and I know he's a great guy. Rich, handsome and with a wonderful personality... Excellent match, isn't he?", Marianne said, teasing Susan.

"Stop talking nonsense..."

"You seem to know him, Su. Do you?", Danna asked.

"We met at the library a few days ago, but we barely even talk. I dropped a book and he picked it up for me, that's all..."

"Apparently, it was enough to make him quite interested...", Danna stated.

At that point, John came into the coffeehouse and approached the girls.

"Hello, ladies!", he said as he approached.

"Hello, John!", Susan and Danna replied.

"John, glad you came!", Marianne said, gesturing to her brother to move closer to her. "Why don't you invite your friend to sit with us?", she whispered.

"What friend?", John asked, looking around until he realized Ben was sat across the room. "Hum... Okay, but... can I know the reason of such an interest?"

"Well, actually the interest seems to be his... He didn't take his eyes off of Susan since he noticed her presence here. And I was wondering... Well, Susan is always alone and sad... and Ben is a great guy and he's always alone too, you know... I think it wouldn't hurt to bring them closer to one another. What do you think?"

"You don't change, do you? Always playing the Cupid..." John laughed.

"Well, I just want to see people happy...", she replied, smiling.

"Well, it's an interesting idea... But let me talk to him first."

"Okay..."

"Girls, I'm going to greet Ben but I'll be right back!", he said.

John then approached his friend.

"Panda!", John said lively, causing Ben to let out a groan before start laughing.

"Oh, no... Please, stop talking to my mother or I will be forced to kill you to protect my reputation...", Ben replied jokingly.

"Come on, dear Panda! It's a cute nickname!", he laughed. "I wish I had a cute nickname too, but the best my little sister could come up with was that Kraken thing...", he said with a fake devastated face.

"Huh, I wonder why...", Ben said ironically, being immediately punched by John. "Ouch...", Ben burst out laughing while massaging his injured arm.

Then John casted a loving look to Danna, without being noticed by her. Ben looked at the direction of John's gaze and smiled.

"When will you confess to her, huh?", Ben asked.

"I don't know... I have a feeling that she keeps seeing me as a brother. You know, we grew up together, we used to play together when we were children... I don't want to ruin our relationship by revealing what I feel..."

"I see... But maybe you're wrong, maybe she doesn't see you this way. I think you should try..."

"Huh... But let's not talk about me for now... I just knew by Marianne that you don't take your eyes off her friend...", John said, and Ben almost choked with his cappuccino.

"Wha-... Err... I..."

"Well, well... It seems that my dear sister's suspicions are not unfounded...", John laughed, noticing the flush on Ben's face. "Let us sit with the ladies?"

"John, I don't think it's a good idea..."

"Don't be silly, come on!"

John pulled Ben and led him to the girls' table.

"Can we enjoy your highly pleasant company, ladies?", John asked with his typical gallantly joking manner.

"Shut up and sit down, John!", Marianne laughed. "Hello, Ben! Welcome!"

Ben greeted Marianne and Danna and sat next to Susan, who was extremely nervous about the situation she was put into. Ben's presence disturbed her intensely. Susan then shot a fiery gaze to Marianne, as she realized the reason of the previous whispering between her and John.

"How are you, Susan?", Ben asked, trying to hide his nervousness.

"I'm fine. And you?", she replied, trying to stay calm as well.

"I'm fine too. I haven't seen you in the library...", he said, immediately regretting it, since he inadvertently revealed that he had been looking for her.

Susan was speechless for a moment. So he returned to the library hoping to see her again?

"Well, I... I didn't finish reading my books yet...", Susan replied, slowly withdrawing into her chair.

"I understand...", Ben said, noticing Susan's discomfort.

When the server arrived with John's coffee and Ben's second cappuccino, Susan took the opportunity to start chatting with Marianne and Danna. The two girls had been discreetly watching Susan and Ben's interaction, and they couldn't understand how Susan could keep such a cold attitude towards Ben. She had a golden opportunity in her hands and she was wasting it.

While drinking his cappuccino, Ben watched Susan quietly. He could hardly believe that he had found her again, but at the same time he was disappointed with her distant attitude. She clearly didn't feel comfortable with his presence. The way she looked at him – _when_ she looked at him – was strange... It seemed like he had done something wrong to her and she had not forgiven him... Why did he have this feeling?

* * *

After some couple hours and a lot of chatting, the night finally fell and it was time to go.

"Well, Marianne and I will take Danna home. Can you take Susan to the dorm, Ben?", John asked.

"Sure, it will be a pleasure...", Ben said. Then he looked at Susan, a little worried. What if she refused? "Is it okay for you, Susan?"

"Yes...", she replied, unsure about what she was doing, but unable to refuse.

Eventually John, Marianne and Danna said goodbye to Ben and Susan, the three of them cheering silently for Susan to give Ben a chance.

The way to the dorm lasted a couple minutes, and Ben gladly found out that he and Susan studied at the same university. It meant that soon he would have more opportunities to see her... Although they studied in different buildings, he certainly would find a way.

When they arrived in front of the dormitory, Ben left the car and quickly ran to the other side to open the door to Susan. Ben didn't want that moment to end, but it was time to say goodbye. It took a while for him to decide what to say.

"Susan...", Ben hesitated a little, but he soon took courage to go on. He couldn't waste this opportunity. "Since the day I met you, I very much wanted to see you again... I'm very glad to have seen you today." Ben was quite nervous, and his heartbeat didn't help him to calm down. Then he cleared his throat and stared at her anxiously. "Can we meet again?", he asked with the sweetest voice in the world.

"I don't think it's a good idea", she said almost roughly, apparently unaffected by his sweetness.

Her response didn't surprise him, but he couldn't just accept it.

"Why not?"

"I may not be the person you think I am, Ben. You don't even know me..."

"But I want to know you... If you allow me...", he said tenderly.

"Listen... I'm not prepared..."

"Can't we be friends at least...?"

That sentence made it clear that he intended to be something more than just a friend, and Susan was surprised by the new revelation. Actually, she already suspected it. The way he looked at her didn't lie... She wanted to get away from him, but he wanted just the opposite...! She needed to do something. She needed to discourage him, and it had to be done now.

"Ben... I appreciate your kindness to bring me here, but I need to go... Goodbye..."

"Susan, wait... I... "

"Don't you understand that I don't want anything with you? Please leave me alone!", she said, quickly going inside and abruptly closing the door.

Ben was shocked. Susan's reaction hurted him so deeply... Why did she reject him this way? Why did she hate him that much...? But at one point she was right... They barely knew each other. And yet he felt extraordinarily attracted to her! What was happening to him?

Ben stood helpless for a few minutes, thinking about what just happened. After a while, he finally got into his car and drove home. His heart ached and he couldn't hold back the tears that insisted on shedding from his eyes.

He didn't know how or why, but he was already deeply in love with Susan. Only two meetings and she had stolen his heart completely. How could that be? He never imagined he could fall so quickly for someone, especially for someone who only had rejected him so far.

It was clear that Susan didn't want any kind of relationship with him, not even friendship. What to do with this feeling that had come so strong then? He couldn't just push the "Stop Loving" button – but he truly wished he had one by now.

* * *

Susan entered her room and went straight to the newly purchased bottle of whiskey. The events of that day made her want more than ever a few hours of oblivion, and that's what she would have. As if it wasn't enough to have a British copy of Caspian crossing her way, he also had to feel attracted to her! _Yeah, Danna, I'm really very lucky..._, she thought sarcastically.

She quickly opened the bottle and started drinking. Once she was weak for alcohol, with few glasses she started feeling dizzy and soon she fell on her bed, plunging into a deep sleep.

Then a dream began to take shape in her mind. Actually it was not a dream, but a long lost memory...

_Susan__ nestled comfortably in Caspian's chest, as he kissed her lovingly on the forehead. They were panting softly, their heartbeat slowly calming down, their bodies still vibrating with passion and delight... They stood quietly for some minutes, the silence touched only by the sounds of their breaths._

"_What do you think will happen now?"_

"_I don't know... Whatever happens, I would like you to stay..."_

"_What if I don't stay...?"_

"_I'll fight for you to stay, Susan.__ I'll do anything to keep you with me."_

"_Caspian, __it's not that simple ... We belong to different worlds. I'm not asking you to fight for me, it would not be fair. If Aslan's will is to send me back to England, there's nothing we can do..."_

_Caspian looked sadly at Susan. She was right._

"_If you go away... I want you to know that I will always love you, no matter what happens..."_

"_So will I, my love..."_

_Caspian felt Susan's hot tears wetting his bare chest, and he gently laid her back on the bed, leaning over her. He caressed her face, his thumb softly drying her tears, and then he kissed her. She returned the kiss with all her heart, placing one hand on his neck, while the other one caressed his back._

_How much longer would __they be together? Susan wanted to stay with him forever, she wanted to be his forever..._

_The kiss __grew deeper and deeper, filled with heat and passion, stirring once more – and more strongly – all the desire that had been sated just moments before..._

Susan woke up with tears in her eyes, a terrible headache and an extreme anger. Was it possible that even that whiskey was cheating her? She wanted to forget what made her suffer, she wanted to erase it from her mind, and that bottle did just the opposite! And she happened to remember exactly the biggest lie she had ever heard in her entire life.

"_I will always love you, no matter what happens._ Of course...", Susan said, ironically. "You loved me so much that at the first opportunity you married another! LIAR!", she cried, immediately taking her hand to her forehead. The scream made her head hurt even more.

Susan decided to take a bath before trying to sleep again. She removed her clothes, leaving the garments along the way, and entered the shower. She let the water to fall freely on her face, keeping her eyes closed, hoping it would wash her pain away.

* * *

**Hello, readers! Please, don't hate me so much! I hate doing this to Ben, but it has to happen, you'll see... ;)**

**Thank you for the reviews, guys! And thank you everyone who has added my story to the Favorites/Story Alerts! Thank you very much!**

**I also would like to invite you to read my other Suspian story, _When it's Love_! I hope you like it as well! :D**


	5. Pain and perdition

**Chapter 5 - Pain and perdition**

It was a hot bright Sunday afternoon. Susan had gone to spend some time at Marianne's house, along with Danna. The three girls stood at one end of the large garden, sat on comfortable chairs around a table full of fresh fruits, juices and cookies. She highly appreciated her new friends' company. They had become very important to her recently. And now she needed them more than ever.

The pain and the agony seemed to increase within her, especially after meeting Ben, who inadvertently brought back all her frustration toward Caspian. Now she was completely foreign to her friends' conversation...

_Why do they have to be so identical?__! Why this Ben Whittaker has to exist and why he had to cross my way...?_

_Caspian... I loved you so much... I gave myself to you. I showed how much I loved you, and what you did in return? You forgot me in a blink of an eye! I wonder if I ever meant something to you... _

_I tried so hard to forget you and forget your lies and now you ruined my efforts... Why did you have to come back to my life? WHY? The loss of my family wasn't pain enough for me?_

"How was it, Su?"

Marianne suddenly awoke Susan from her inner conflicts.

"How was what?"

"Ben took you to the dorm that day, didn't he? So, how was it?"

Susan rolled her eyes.

"So, nothing."

"How come 'nothing'? He did nothing? Nothing at all?", Marianne asked.

"Come on, Su! Tell us!" Danna begged.

Susan sighed. They obviously wouldn't give up this topic, so she had no other choice but talk about it.

"He showed some interest towards me, but I rejected him."

"YOU WHAT?", they asked, not believing what they've just heard.

"Su, how can you reject someone like Ben?", Marianne asked, incredulous.

"I just don't want anything with him! Is it very hard to understand?"

Marianne and Danna answered nothing. They looked at each other, astonished at Susan's reaction, and turned to face her. Then Marianne saw some weakness and depression on Susan's eyes.

"Su, are you okay?"

"Just a headache..."

"Are you sure?"

Susan didn't answer.

"Su, you didn't drink again, did you?"

Susan's eyes filled with tears.

"Susan, please... You can't keep trying to escape reality with alcohol... Listen, we know you are weak for alcohol and you probably haven't drunk enough for it to become dangerous yet... But this is exactly the point... Su, stop it while you can, we beg you!" Marianne said, pleading for her friend.

"You need to be strong to overcome all this, and we'll help you to go through it! But please, don't drink anymore, please...", Danna added, gently stroking Susan's hair.

Marianne and Danna hugged Susan, and she could no longer contain herself and burst into tears. They were right, she had to be strong enough to give up drinking. But it was so difficult... Only when she drank she was able to forget her pain, to forget her family's absence, to forget Caspian's betrayal... But she definitely needed to be strong.

After a few moments, the sound of an oncoming car drew the girls' attention.

"It must be John and Ben!"

Susan widened her eyes, alarmed.

"Ben is here...?"

"Yes, John has invited him to come here today... You know, they are friends...", Marianne tried to explain.

"Oh, no..."

"Su, why do you have so much aversion to him? What did he do to you?", Danna asked.

"He didn't do anything to me..."

"So why do you reject him this way?"

Susan stared at her own hands in silence for some time, her friends staring at her curiously. Then she decided to speak.

"It's just... He reminds me of one I loved very much... He reminds me one who made me suffer terribly... He broke my heart, and I'm still trying to collect the pieces...", her voice broke at the end as tears appeared again in the corner of her eyes. "Ben resembles him so much, you have no idea... They're like counterparts of each other, you know. I can't look at Ben without remembering what I went through, without suffering all over again..."

"Su, I had no idea...", Marianne said.

"Poor Ben... It's not his fault...", Danna said.

"I know, but I can't face him! Especially after the things I have told him and..."

Susan had no time to complete her sentence.

"Hello, girls! I hope everything is all right...", John said, coming along with Ben.

"Good afternoon", Ben said sheepishly.

"Good afternoon, Ben!", Marianne and Danna replied.

Ben greeted Susan politely, but in a reserved way. He had been badly hurt by her words on the other day, and he wanted to prevent himself from being hurt again. After the greetings, Ben exited with John to the other side of the garden. He occasionally looked at Susan, but always looked away when she looked at him. John noticed the tense atmosphere, and Ben ended up telling him everything.

"So she turned you down..."

"I think I deserved it, you know"

"Why so?"

"Because I've seen her only twice and I've already tried to court her... I shouldn't have acted so hurriedly. Now she hates me, and she's right", Ben said, trying to convince himself.

"Look, frankly it's not what it seems. Since we sit here, she looked at your direction several times. She seems quite interested for someone who said it was better to stay away from you... Maybe she is just not ready for a relationship now. After what happened..."

"What happened?"

"Don't you know?"

"No, tell me!"

"She lost her entire family a few months ago in a train accident, her parents and all her three siblings."

Ben was astonished by what he had just heard. It was _that_ accident?

"You mean that train accident with dozens of victims about three months ago?"

"Yes, exactly... It was such a horrid accident..."

"I remember reading about it then, and the news said that among the victims there were a couple and three of their four children..."

"Exactly, the Pevensies. And Susan became an orphan only child then..."

Ben looked at Susan again, and this time he didn't look away when their eyes met. So that was the reason of her always sad eyes... He was right when he had the feeling that she needed to be protected, that she needed to be taken care of... He sensed that since the first time he met her.

Things were getting really strange now. First, he knew for sure that the blue eyes from his dreams belonged to Susan. And now he had just found out that his _déjà vu_ from three months ago was somehow connected to her. It couldn't be a simple coincidence, and he couldn't just ignore it. Fate had put Susan on his way for some reason, and he needed to know it soon.

* * *

On the next morning, Ben went to the library again to return the books he had taken some days ago and to look for some others. He wanted to fill his free time with anything that could help him not to think about Susan, at least not now. He knew he couldn't simply give up her – there were so many enigmas around her, so many questions he needed do solve... But he needed some time before looking for her again. He didn't want to get more hurt than he already was...

Ben was walking through the corridors when he suddenly came across with someone. _Oh, no..._ It was Susan. _Damn_. Both froze as their eyes locked, and they stared at each other silently. Ben got immediately nervous and anxious, not knowing what to do. He would have been really pleased to see her again, had he not sensed he was surely about to be hurt again. And he was right.

"Are you following me or what? What are you doing here?", Susan asked with a sharp tone.

Ben felt his temper being pushed almost beyond its limit. He wasn't a hot tempered person, but it seemed to be changing right now. He was beginning to feel really tired of being treated so bad. What was his mistake? Loving her? Why the hell she was so incapable to treat him with a minimum of politeness?

"As far as I know, this is a library – a public library, I dare say. People go to libraries to get books, I suppose", Ben replied ironically. He struggled to keep calm, but he couldn't help showing some irritation in his voice. He barely could recognize himself.

Susan snorted, turned around and began walking away from him. Ben watched her going away, but he couldn't let her go, not now. He needed to know once and for all why she treated him like that.

"Susan, wait!", Ben ran after Susan and grabbed her hand, making her stop. Susan immediately turned to face him, staring at him fiercely. "What did I do for you to hate me so much?", he asked in a low voice, staring at her with intense eyes.

Susan looked at him with a threatening look, as if she was looking at Caspian himself, the real target of her hatred.

"You were born."

Three words. Three little words, and that was enough to pierce Ben's heart as a well sharpen dagger. Ben loosed Susan's hand, and she immediately turned around and left the corridor.

Ben stood for several minutes among the bookshelves, his eyes fixed at some indefinite point as tears ran freely down his face. He couldn't understand why Susan hated him so much. Fate was ironic... The reason of his most pure and deep feelings was also the source of his worst pain.

* * *

Susan had promised to Marianne and Danna that she would stop drinking, but there she was, empting another bottle of whiskey. _I am so disgusting... I'm such a horrid person_, she thought. All she was doing lately was letting her friends worried and making someone suffer...

She could see clearly on Ben's face the result of her harsh response earlier in the library. For a millisecond, she felt remorse, but before she could show it, she ran away from him, living him alone and probably hurt. But she couldn't help it. Every time she looked at Ben, all her pain because of Caspian came to the surface. She felt so much bitterness, so much resentment, so much anger... And now she involuntarily directed all these bad feelings to him. The fact is that she needed someone to blame, she needed someone to focus her anger on. And Ben turned out to be the perfect target.

But this was a terrible thing to do... She was being very cruel, and she had never thought she would be able to treat someone with such cruelty. But she was no longer the person she used to be. Now her heart was a dark one, and she was spreading her darkness to everything and everyone around her.

Susan felt as if she was plunging into a dark abyss and there was no light to guide her back to the surface. She was sure she would never recover from all she had gone through; she would never be again the old Susan Pevensie. That one had died a little when she knew she had indeed lost Caspian forever. And her complete death was sealed when she lost her family. Now, she was only a shadow of who she used to be...

Queen Susan the Gentle was gone. The old Susan Pevensie was gone. All she had now was her pain and her terrible freshly gained talent to bother people with her weakness and self-pity and make them suffer... Could she live with that?

* * *

Later that same day, Ben decided to go to John's house, but he first made sure he wouldn't find Susan there. He needed to vent, he needed some advice. So Ben told John what had happened earlier in the library.

"I don't believe that freak said that to you!"

"John... Don't insult her, please..."

"Ben! Call her freak is nothing! Look what she did to you! Since we got friends I've never seen you sad or depressed, you were always smiling, always with good humour, always in peace with your life! Now look at you! Since you met her you are getting worse every day!"

"John, I love her!"

A hush fell between them. John didn't accept the way Susan treated his friend, making him suffer, but he didn't dare to insult her again. John decided to wait for Ben to be ready to continue talking, which took a few more seconds.

"I always dreamed of falling in love with someone, I always wished to find the woman of my dreams and... when I first saw Susan I knew it was her. Don't ask me how or why, I just knew it. I immediately found out what was the so called love at first sight, because I could feel it arising in my heart. I had no doubts... But then it wasn't as I thought it would be... It was our very first encounter and she was already avoiding me, but I still wanted to see her again. So we met again, twice, and her aversion for me only increased..."

Ben stopped for a moment, trying to calm down, as his voice began to fail as he spoke.

"What do I have to do, John? I love her more than I ever thought I would love someone, but I can't even be next to her! All she does is rejecting me, hurting me... And I don't even know what I've done to her! I feel like there's no hope, I have no choices... I don't know what I can do to make it right simply because I don't know what I did wrong!", Ben completed heatedly, revealing to his friend all his despair.

"Ben, I don't know what to say, honestly... I've never seen so strong feelings be born in such a short time before... I mean, you already love her so intensely and she already avoids you with the same intensity... Well, what I can do is try to figure out with my sister if she knows something about it. They are friends, maybe she can help..."

Ben looked at John with a faint glimmer of hope in his eyes. He was about to say something, when Marianne burst into the house almost breathless, startling the two boys.

"For goodness sake, Marianne! What happened? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

Marianne stopped before them, painting heavily, trying to catch her breath. Her expression was worried.

"Marianne...? What's going on?", John asked again, this time more seriously.

"John, Ben...", she said, taking a deep breath. "Something terrible happened..."

"What happened, sis? Tell us!"

Then Marianne casted a look full of compassion at Ben.

"It's Susan... She's in hospital!"

Ben froze in his chair, fearing what he would hear next.

"In hospital? But why? What happened to her?", John asked, now really worried.

"She...", Marianne took another deep breath, a longer one. "She tried to suicide..."

**

* * *

**

**Hello, there! ****Well, if you didn't hate me because of the previous chapter, I'm sure you hate me by now... Please, don't kill me, those events are important for the story's development, ok? ;)**

**Well, now the translation reached the chapters in Portuguese! Now I will try to keep both versions simultaneously, I hope I won't delay the next updates!**

**Please, R&R! :D**

* * *

**REPLY REVIEW**

**Anjali bose: Oh, thank you for the review! Yeah, I always try to answer all the reviews, I don't like to leave anyone "talking to the wall"... XD Stay tuned and you'll know what will happen... ;)**


	6. The ironies of Fate

**Chapter 6 – The ironies of Fate **

That afternoon, Marianne intended to go shopping and decided to call Susan to go with her. She also wanted to call Danna, but she remembered that her friend wasn't in town that week. Then Marianne went to Susan's dorm and knocked at her door. But no one answered, which surprised her – the doorman had assured her that Susan was there. He had seen her entering her room some hours ago, not leaving anymore.

After calling repeatedly, Marianne managed to convince the doorman to find the master key of Susan's room to see what had happened. And what Marianne saw then was the most terrible picture she had ever seen in her entire life...

"Oh, no, no, no!", she screamed while kneeling beside Susan, who was even paler and surrounded by blood. Marianne was sure her friend was dead and burst out crying, completely overtaken by desperation. "Oh dear, what have you done? What have you done...?"

When she finally realized that Susan was still breathing, a wave of hope came in a rush and she quickly called an ambulance and led her to the hospital. When the nurses came to carry Susan away, Marianne ran home to tell her brother, and now she was going back to the hospital, this time escorted by John and Ben.

"John, I'm so scared...", she said in a trembling voice.

"Everything will be all right, sis...", John replied, trying to calm his sister, but without believing his own words. John glanced at Ben while driving and noticed his pained expression, but decided it was better not to talk to him yet. He needed some time.

Ben didn't manage to say a word along the way. He was extremely shocked. More than shocked, he was appalled by the idea of losing Susan. Although they didn't have any relationship, he deeply loved her.

He remembered all the sadness that was always mirrored in her eyes since they first met. She was suffering, he knew. She had lost her parents and siblings, her whole family. She was so lonely, so helpless...

Ben felt a deep compassion for her, though she treated him so badly. As a matter of fact, Ben was barely thinking about it now, his suffering didn't matter anymore.

When thinking about Susan's pain and where it led her to, Ben could hardly hold back tears. But he refused to pour them right now.

_I will not cry yet, I canno__t cry yet... She's alive, she will stay alive... By Aslan, she MUST stay alive...! _

Ben was so focused on Susan's situation that he didn't even realize the name he had just evoked in his mind.

_

* * *

_

Susan felt as if _she was floating – sometimes slowly, sometimes at a dizzying speed. The fear of what she would see made her not to open her eyes, and she kept them closed for a long time. Suddenly she felt her body slow down again until her feet touched a smooth surface._

_T__hen a splendid sound of several birds softly reached her ears. The sound was melodious, harmonious and so beautiful... She had never heard anything so beautiful before. Finally she decided to open her eyes and now she could notice the soft grass beneath her feet and the vast field of flowers around her. Susan was impressed with that landscape's beauty. The grass there seemed greener, the sky seemed bluer, and the flowers seemed more colorful. Everything was more beautiful, more intense, almost divine..._

"_Susan?"_

_Susan's heart stopped in her chest when she heard a voice coming from somewhere behind her. The voice sounded like music to her ears... A gentle, soft and unmistakable voice... A voice that she so wanted to hear again: the voice of her beloved sister... _

_Susan turned around and her eyes immediately filled with tears when she saw Lucy, who looked more beautiful than ever. She looked like an angel..._

"_Lucy... Lucy, my sister!"_

_Susan ran towards Lucy, who received her with a tight and loving embrace. _

"_Oh, Lucy, I'm so happy to see you! I missed you so much!"_

"_I'm happy to see you too, my sister! I missed you too...", Lucy said, breaking the hug. Then she looked at Susan with a serious look, almost reproachful. "But I'd be much happier if it were in other circumstances..."_

"_What do you mean, Lu? I'm with you, I'm here! I'm so glad I had the courage to get rid of all that suffering..."_

"_Su, what you did could never be called courage, never! You should never be glad of it!"_

_Susan was baffled by Lucy's reaction. Wasn't she happy to see her? What was wrong with her?_

"_Su...", Lucy continued, "What you did was not an act of courage, quite the contrary. Suicide is the highest demonstration of cowardice, my sister... You didn't want to face your fate, you had no courage to face and overcome your fears. And because of that you came close to plunging into an even worse suffering, the suffering of those who abdicate their lives..."_

"_But... I'm not dead then?"_

"_Not yet... And that's the reason why you are here now. If you had succeeded... Oh Su, I'd rather not imagine in what place you would be now... Probably in Tash's Country. Suicide is a terrible crime, Susan. It doesn't put an end to the pain, just the opposite... It only makes suffering last indefinitely."_

_Susan stared at Lucy in silence, her eyes showing all the fear she was feeling now. Now she realized how stupid and inconsequent she was... What would happen to her now? _

"_What exactly is this place, Lu?"_

"_Here is Aslan's Country."_

"_Aslan's Country? That's where you are now?"_

"_Yes... And I'm very happy here!"_

"_Peter and Edmund... they are here too?"_

"_Yes, we're all here... and so Professor Kirke, and Miss Polly, and Eustace, and Jill... and Mom and Dad."_

_Susan began to sob as tears rolled down her face again._

"_Can I__ see them too...?"_

"_No, Su... Unfortunately, no. Only I had Aslan's permission to come to you."_

"_I see..."_

"_Su...", Lucy said, reaching her sister's hand tenderly, "We have so much to talk about..."_

* * *

Upon arriving at the hospital, Ben, John and Marianne followed one of the nurses to the waiting room, where they waited for several minutes.

Ben sat down on a chair and stared at his hands nervously, trying to calm down.

"Ben, are you okay?", John asked.

"I don't know... I... I feel like I'm about to lose the reason of my life, John. And I can't even understand why I feel like that. I mean, I know her for a week and I'm already so tied to her... I can't understand it. We barely know each other, but I feel like I have always known her. And I feel like a part of me will be tore apart if... if..."

"Ben... Everything will be alright, you'll see. Don't think about it now..."

"I can't lose her, John... I can't. I know she hates me, I think I can live with that. But I can't live without her... I feel like she was a piece of my heart... A piece that was lost since a long time ago but now I've found it again. And I can't lose it again..."

_I can't lose her again..._, Ben thought, and this sentence sounded strange and right at the same time. He didn't know why, but he felt like he really was about to lose her for the second time. His feelings were getting more confused each day, and now he thought he was near madness with all this confusion and all this pain twirling in his heart.

"Tell me this is a nightmare, John...", Ben said, in a weak voice.

"I wish it were, my friend... I truly wish it were..."

John placed a hand on Ben's shoulder in a gesture of support, feeling pity for his friend. John didn't believe that Susan could survive, but he didn't want to take off Ben's hope.

After a few minutes, the doctor who was taking care of Susan came to the waiting room.

"How is she, doctor? Can we see her?", Marianne asked, standing up quickly.

"It's better not to see her now, dear. She is unconscious, but she is receiving all possible care. We managed to stop the bleeding, but she's still very ill. Luckily she cut her wrists in the 'wrong' way, so to say... Otherwise, her situation would be surely worse. But even thus she has lost too much blood."

The last sentence frightened the three of them, especially Ben. The doctor noticed their worried faces and decided to try to calm them down in some way.

"But I must say that if she's still alive, it's thanks to you, Miss Wotton, for bringing her quickly", he said, turning to Marianne. "If it lasted a little longer for her to be found, unfortunately it would have been too late."

Marianne smiled weakly, and John embraced his sister to comfort her.

"And there's nothing else to be done?", John asked.

"She needs an urgent blood transfusion, but she has a rare blood type and we don't have it in our blood bank... She doesn't have any relatives? Parents? Siblings?"

"No, doctor... She is an orphan and she has no siblings", Marianne said, her voice failing as her eyes filled with tears again.

"We have already started the search for a donor, but so far we haven't succeeded. She needs a transfusion as soon as possible. Unfortunately the O negative blood is a very rare type, and..."

At that moment, Ben's heart started racing, making him almost gasp.

"What... What did you just say?", he asked, hardly believing what he had just heard.

"I said the O negative blood is a very rare blood type... By the way, don't any of you have it?"

"I do! I have it! This is my blood type!", Ben replied heatedly.

"What?", suddenly all eyes turned to Ben.

"Are you serious, Ben? You can save her?", Marianne asked, agitated.

"Yes, my blood is O negative", Ben replied, his voice trembling, his lips finally showing a smile after a long time. Then Ben turned to the doctor. "What do I need to do, doctor?", he asked, without hesitation.

"Will you be the donor? Are you sure?"

"Yes, I will! Can I do it now?"

"Of course, my boy! This is great! Come with me! You only need to fill some data and answer some questions. If there's nothing preventing the donation, it can be done immediately!"

Ben casted one more look to John and Marianne, who stared incredulously at him, and smiled hopefully. Then he followed the doctor, barely controlling his excitement. He could never imagine that Susan's life would turn out to be in his hands. Fate was definitely ironic. He still couldn't believe what was happening: Fate had put him there to save the love of his life.

_My blood can save Susan! I __can save her! No... I __**will**__ save her!_

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I hope you liked it, guys!

**Now things will get less dark, I promise! XD **

**Reviews, please! :D**

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REVIEW REPLIES

**Sazz: I laughed out loud with your question! XD Well, I truly wish I could update more often, but I will do my best! :)**

**Anjali bose: Yeah, both of them are frustrated... But stay tuned and you'll see what will happen now! And Ben will remember he's Caspian, but it's for the future. There will be many chapters until this moment... :)**


	7. Back to light

**Chapter 7 - Back to light**

John and Marianne were in the waiting room while Ben still was in the blood donation room.

"I still cannot believe it, John... After everything Susan said to Ben, after she treated him so badly..."

"Yes, it's a great irony. Now it's him who will save her life..."

"It's such an incredible coincidence! I get scared when this kind of thing happens... It's like we're getting a clear message that there's some very powerful force above us, a force that definitely knows what it's doing."

"I agree..."

"Ben really loves her, doesn't he?"

"Yes, he loves her. He truly loves her. He showed no hesitation, and he decided to save her unconditionally. She is a very lucky girl..."

"I always told her so... She is very lucky to have a guy like him almost at her feet. But she never heard us, neither me nor Danna..."

"I think this time she will change her mind, don't you think?"

"I truly hope so..."

Then Ben came back from the blood donation room. He held a bandage on his left arm, and the expression on his face was entirely different from some hours ago. His eyes were brighter, and it was almost possible to see a smile on his lips.

"Ben, are you okay?", John asked.

"Yes... I'm better than ever", he smiled.

"Was everything alright?"

"Yes... They're doing the last tests in my blood, but soon they will bring it to Susan."

"Are you happy, aren't you?"

"Very... I know my blood will save her, I fully believe it. Something tells me... something tells me that this is the reason why I'm here", Ben said, and his eyes were full of hope.

"Thank you, Ben... Thank you for wanting to save my friend, even though she had been so rude to you...", Marianne said gratefully.

"I would have been very vile if I had refused to save someone's life because of my grief, you know... Her life is far more important than that. What she did to me doesn't matter anymore..."

Marianne and John looked at each other, both calmer now. And both siblings had exactly the same thought: Susan was definitely a lucky girl...

* * *

_Susan and Lucy were now sitting on a large rock, watching an astonishingly beautiful sunset. They had been talking for some hours now._

"_Su, when will you forgive Caspian?"_

"_Forgive Caspian? How could I forgive him, Lu? He betrayed me! He lied when he said he loved me!"_

"_He didn't betray you, Su! He never lied to you! He always loved you, and he still loves!"_

"_But he married another! He swore eternal love to me, but married another at the first opportunity!"_

"_Susan, listen to me... You need to understand that he had obligations as king of Narnia, he needed to meet the expectations of his people. Narnia needed an heir to ensure her stability and peace. Caspian did marry, provided an heir and was always loyal to his wife. But his heart was always yours, Susan, always... Please do not blame him. He also suffered a lot by having to move on without you, having to marry another to ensure Narnia's safety when all he wanted was to have you as his wife... Please take his suffering into consideration. Life wasn't easy for him either."_

_Susan__ reflected on Lucy's words, as comprehension gradually began to reach the deep core of her heart. She had been selfish and uncomprehending... Caspian must have suffered very much, perhaps more than her. He suffered, but he moved forward, embracing the responsibilities that awaited him, being a good king and a good leader for his people. And what about her? What had she done? She had been frivolous, superficial, irresponsible..._

_Looking at the situation from another perspective, she realized she would have done the same, had she gone through this during the Golden Age. She loved Narnia, and she would have done everything to __assure her kingdom's safety had she been in his place... _

"_I've been such a fool, Lu..."_

"_Caspian doesn't deserve all the hatred you've been harboring toward him, Su... Please forgive him. Only by forgiving him you will be able to go ahead and open your heart to Ben. I know very well that the only thing that keeps you away from him is this unfounded resentment that you hold toward Caspian..."_

"_Ben? How do you know about him?"_

"_Aslan is omniscient, sister... He told me everything when he allowed me to come to see you, hoping that I could put a bit of sense in your mind and in your heart..."_

"_Well... I think it's too late for me and Ben... After the way I've treated him, after being so cruel to him, I truly doubt he still has any interest in me... Especially now that I proved to be extremely weak, stupid and coward..."_

"_I have my doubts... What he feels for you is very special, Su. I dare say he would cross worlds and give his blood for you...", Lucy said with a half smile on her face._

_Susan intended to ask Lucy what she meant by that, but when she realized, everything around her began to fade in a thick fog... Suddenly, Lucy and all the beautiful scenery from Aslan's Country had disappeared._

* * *

Susan slowly opened her eyes, but her blurred vision prevented her from seeing clearly the place where she was. Then gradually, the images started becoming clear, and she could make out the roof and walls of the room. It was clearly a hospital room.

_So that's it__... I'm still alive. Lucy was right..._

Her eyes were slowly getting used to light in the room. Soon she realized that there was someone beside her. It was a young nurse.

"Hello, dear...", the nurse smiled.

"Hello...", she replied, her voice a little weak.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fine... I guess... How long I've been here?"

"Well, you were hospitalized about three days ago. You've been unconscious ever since."

"Three days?", Susan asked, amazed.

"Do not be alarmed, this is perfectly normal. I never got through that, you know... But it must be really weird waking up after days...", the girl smiled.

_Three days__...? It seemed hours to me... I was with Lucy for just a few hours... Well, why am I surprised? Time in Narnia always runs in a different way, I should have known that in Aslan's Country would be the same..._

"Well, I'll tell the doctor that you're awake. Excuse me...", the nurse added, leaving the room.

* * *

Ben arrived at the hospital by the morning. After Marianne and John's insistence, he had been convinced to go to spend the night at home, since the doctors assured that Susan was already out of danger.

Upon reaching the waiting room, Ben noticed that Marianne was already there too.

"Good morning, Marianne."

"Good morning, Ben."

"And John?"

"He had to solve some issues in the morning, maybe he'll come in the afternoon."

"And what about Susan...?"

"I just asked for information from a nurse, so someone may soon come to...", before Marianne could complete her sentence, the doctor came in.

"Miss Wotton, Mr. Whittaker, good morning."

"Good morning, doctor. How is Susan?", Marianne asked.

"I have good news: she's already awake. As I said before, the transfusion was successful. Maybe she will just need to stay another day in hospital to recover her strength."

Marianne smiled broadly and looked at Ben, whose eyes shone with joy.

"Really?", Marianne asked happily.

"Yes, dear. By the way, do you want to see her? She can receive visitors now."

Ben got immediately nervous with the possibility of seeing Susan. His heart raced, and all the insecurity he felt about her came back in a rush.

"Do you want to go, Ben?", Marianne asked, noticing his nervousness.

"Maybe... Maybe it's not a good idea... I think she may not like to see me, and I don't want to bother her, she needs to recover..."

"Ben, I can't believe you said that...", Marianne said, looking incredulously at Ben. He had just saved Susan's life and now he was afraid of bothering her...! "Well, I'm going then... But stay here. I will bring you news as soon as possible."

"Okay..."

Ben sat on a chair, trying to calm his heart down. He was extremely happy for her recovering, but now he was anxious about her reaction... He didn't save her life expecting her to be kind to him, or expecting her to return the love he felt. He simply wanted her alive. But now there was a situation he needed to face anyway... And the question was: would she be thankful? Or would she blame him for not letting her die in peace?

* * *

Marianne went to Susan's room and knocked lightly on the door before opening it.

"Anne...!", Susan said as excitedly as her weakness allowed.

"Su, how are you feeling?"

"I... I don't know. I think I'm fine... I'm just a little weak, but the doctor said it's normal."

"Good...", Marianne said, her smile turning into a severe expression. "Susan Pevensie, I forbid you to give us another scare like that, did you hear me?", Marianne said, in a tone of reproach softened by the smile that involuntarily returned to her lips as tears appeared in the corner of her eyes.

"Sorry, Anne... I was such a fool, such a reckless... I just thought about myself..."

Susan then looked at the bandages on her wrists.

"Who did find me? Who brought me here?"

"I did... I went to your dorm to call you to go shopping with me, and then I found you..."

"Oh, Anne... I'm so sorry for having made you go through this..."

"It's done, Su... You're fine now, that's what matters. I brought you in time and we got you a donor in time as well."

"A donor?"

"Yes, you needed a blood transfusion."

"I know, the doctor told me, but... It was easy to find a donor? I know how rare my blood is..."

"It was easier than you think... In fact there wasn't your blood type in the hospital's blood bank. But there was a donor right under our nose!"

"Who was it?"

"Ben..."

"Ben? Ben Whittaker...? He was my donor?", she asked, utterly shocked.

"Yes..."

"Even... even after what I did to him?", she said as remorse began to fill her heart. "Even after I have treated him so cruelly?"

"Yes, Su. And I can assure you that I didn't see any hesitation on his actions. When the doctor told us you would need a transfusion and Ben discovered he had your blood type, he immediately volunteered to donate."

Susan was speechless.

"He saved your life, Su."

"I... I cannot believe it..."

"I told you he was a great person, Su. He didn't deserve to be treated the way you treated him."

"Oh my God, I was awful... I was terribly awful...", her voice began to fail as she started sobbing uncontrollably. "Where is he? He returned to the hospital after the donation?"

"Are you kidding? He has been here ever since! He just went home to bathe, change clothes and pick something, but he always returned. Only yesterday we convinced him to go to sleep at home because we knew you were out of danger. But he has arrived already, he is in the waiting room."

"So he's here now?"

"Yes... Do you want to see him?"

"Of course I want to!", Susan said, smiling tenderly and drying her tears with the back of her hands. She had been so mean to him, and yet he saved her life...

"Then I'll call him...", Marianne smiled, then leaving.

Minutes later, Ben approached the door and looked hesitantly at Susan from the corridor, and she immediately noticed his insecurity.

"Come in, Ben...", Susan said in a soft voice. She noticed the fear on Ben's eyes and her heart was filled with compassion. He was afraid... of her. He was probably afraid of being hurt again... And it was all her fault. She mistreated him so much and yet he didn't hesitate to offer her his blood...

"How are you feeling...?", he asked in a low voice after closing the door, without moving ahead though.

"I'm fine... Now I'm fine... Thanks to you."

Ben stared at her, still hesitant. But he barely could contain himself such was the relief for seeing her alive and being friendly with him... It seemed like he was daydreaming...

"Ben, come closer... Don't be afraid of me. I don't bite, you know...?", she said, smiling sheepishly.

Ben let out a small chuckle and approached Susan's bed.

"Sit down here...", she said, pointing to the edge of the bed right beside her.

Ben sat down on the bed, and Susan immediately held his hand, which caused his heart to beat faster within his chest, and he sighed softly.

"Thank you, Ben... Thank you for saving my life. I'm afraid I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did for me..."

"No need to thank me... I could never deny my blood to someone, I could never deny saving a life..."

_Especially yours, my love__..._, he thought, without verbalizing it though.

The omission of that bit, however, gave another meaning to what he just said.

_So that's it__..._, Susan thought. _He would have done it for anyone, of course... He knows how rare his blood is, he knows it. And if he ever had any special feeling for me, probably now he no longer does. Who would be still interested in a suicidal coward like me? He must be disappointed... Well, that's what I wanted, wasn't it? I guess I succeeded, after all..._, she concluded, with some bitterness in her heart.

She could not blame him... But now she felt she owed a lot to him, and she promised herself never to mistreat him again. He definitely didn't deserve it. Marianne and Danna were right... She was a lucky girl to have captivated someone like Ben. And though now he certainly didn't have any feeling for her anymore, at least his friendship she would like to win. After all, he was her savior...

"Can we be friends?", she asked earnestly, holding Ben's hand tightly between hers.

Ben's face lit up into a broad smile, which made Susan's heart beat a little faster. _Caspian_. It was Caspian's smile... But now the similarity between them didn't make her suffer anymore. After the talk with Lucy, she managed to forgive Caspian, or rather, she managed to understand that he had never betrayed her. And now she finally could look at Ben without feeling that agonizing pain she had felt before.

"Of course...", he replied, his other hand joining hers as well.

Ben could hardly believe what was happening. He hadn't saved her life waiting for rewards, but her friendship was a most welcome gift. Perhaps he would never be able to reach Susan's heart, but her friendship certainly was a valuable treasure, and he would fight every day to keep it.

"Friends...", he said, sealing the friendship that had just been born.

"Friends...", she replied, smiling fondly at Ben.

Suddenly Lucy's words returned to Susan's mind: _"I dare say he would cross worlds and give his blood for you..."_

_Lucy said he would give__ his blood for me... He indeed gave me his blood. He saved me with his blood. She knew it. Lucy knew it..._

Susan smiled, finally understanding what her sister meant by that. But she focused so much on the last part of Lucy's sentence that her mind failed to pay proper attention to the first one. Perhaps it wasn't the right moment to discover what "crossing worlds" meant...

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**Hello, there! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I truly hope I made it more interesting this time, because I suppose the last one must have been a pain to read, based on the lack of feedback... or maybe I didn't give you enough time... XD**

**Anyway, I was a little excited about leaving behind this "dark" part, so I managed to write the new chapter and translating it in less than a week! I hope you enjoyed! :)**

**Now, R&R please! :D**

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**REVIEW REPLY**

**Sazz: Thank you very much for your review! I'm glad you liked the chapter, and I hope you like this one as well. Yeah, the last one was very dark indeed, but I'm already bringing light back... :)**


	8. A very special day

**Chapter 8 - A very special day**

It was Wednesday morning and Ben had gone to the bookstore. The new semester at university would begin next week, and he needed to buy some new books for his studies. He carefully examined the list of all the important books he needed to acquire and now was looking for them in the bookshelves. He could simply ask for help to one of the attendants, but he liked searching by himself; it was a unique kind of fun.

While taking a look at the several titles on the shelves, Ben remembered Susan... How would she be now? The last time he saw her had been three days ago. When Susan left the hospital, Danna, who had just returned from her little trip, insisted that Susan should spend some days at her house. Danna wanted to compensate her absence when Susan was in trouble and decided to take care of her during her recovery.

Some days later, John invited Ben to go to Danna's house to pay Susan a visit. They exchanged only a few words then, but it was enough to make Ben feel happy. She was fine, and nothing else mattered...

Ben was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn't realized that there was someone else in the corridor and stepped back. It was a girl, who seemed to be as inattentive as he was, because she was examining intently a list of books, some of them already in her hands.

The clash was inevitable and made them throw down their books on the floor. Both kneeled immediately, saying their apologies while they were catching each other's books. When Ben finally raised his eyes to apologize more properly, he lost his words. It was Susan.

After a few minutes of shock, Susan couldn't hold back a little chuckle, finding the situation very funny.

"Hi, Ben...", she said, smiling at him.

"Err... Hi, Susan...", Ben replied, a little disturbed. "You won't ask me if I'm following you, will you? I swear I'm not...", he said, the fear of being mistreated again clear on his eyes.

"No, I won't...", she said, feeling a little guilty. _I was so rude to him that day… He didn't forget it, of course…_ Then she smiled to him. "But I guess I really need to be careful with my thoughts, you know..."

"Wha-… What do you mean?", Ben asked with a puzzled face.

"Well... I was just thinking of you... and then you appeared!"

Ben's heart almost jumped out of his chest. _Please, don't play the fool, you idiot..._

"You... You were thinking of me...?"

Now Susan realized that she had said too much. Actually she was thinking of Caspian, and then she remembered Ben because he looked like Caspian... _But I can't tell him that! Oh, Lord... _But Susan's mind worked quickly enough to answer his question without hesitation.

"Well, I've just passed by the medical section and I caught a glimpse at a book on blood transfusion... Then I thought of you...", she said, pretty satisfied with the perfect excuse she had found.

"I see...", he replied, a little disappointed. What was he thinking? He knew very well that she didn't return his feelings... "And how are you feeling now?"

"I'm fine, thank you... I've always had a very good health, I think it helped in my recovery... But if I'm fine now, it's mostly thanks to you…", she smiled at him. "I don't know if I will ever be able to show enough gratitude for what you've done for me…"

Ben blushed lightly, causing Susan to smile again, this time at his shyness. He was an adorable guy...

"You… you don't need to… Seeing you fine is my reward", he said sincerely, trying to keep his voice from tremble at his nervousness.

Susan smiled and went on talking.

"Danna helped me too, when I was at her house. She took good care of me..."

"Danna is a great girl, isn't she? No wonder that John has fal-...", Ben stopped in mid-sentence. He was about to reveal, unintentionally, his friend's secret.

But Susan immediately got what was going on.

"John likes her, right?"

Ben didn't know what to answer. He couldn't betray John's trust...

"Ben, it's all right, you can tell me! I've already noticed it, you know..."

"Well, yes... He likes her…", Ben couldn't deny it.

"I've never mentioned it to Danna or Marianne, but it's been a while since I first noticed it. But I decided it was better not saying anything yet. At least not until I find a good opportunity."

"What about Danna? Do you think she has feelings for John too?"

"Honestly I don't know... I've never seen her speaking about any guy, she's quite shy when it comes to this topic... She's a bit mysterious."

"I see..."

"Wait... Can we do something about it?", Susan asked with a mischievous glimmer in her eyes.

"Maybe...", Ben replied, liking the idea. "We can definitely work on it."

He had tried a couple times to convince John to confess to Danna, but he seemed completely unmoved. But now he would have Susan's help, and maybe they could, together, do something for John. And the idea of joining with Susan in a common purpose left Ben extremely pleased…

Ben suddenly remembered why they were at the bookstore.

"Hey Susan... You're looking for books for college, right? Have you found all of them?"

"Almost. Only one is missing, but it's unavailable here... It's a shame, because this book is really important for me to have, especially this year..."

"Well... I haven't found two of the books I need, but I'm thinking about looking for them elsewhere. I know a very good bookstore, but it's a little far away from here, a 40-minute drive, if I remember well...", Ben paused, not so sure of what he was doing. He took a deep breath and went on. "Would you like to go there with me? I'm sure there you will find what you're looking for", he said, not knowing if it had been a good idea to invite her... What if she refused?

"Oh, it would be great! You... don't mind?"

Ben's face lit up with a radiant smile of great relief.

"Of course not... A good company is always welcome!", he said gently, offering his arm to Susan, and she quickly accepted it.

* * *

"This place is amazing! You were right, I've found my book! I see you've found yours too."

"Yes, now my list is finally complete...", he said, while his face showed a half-pained expression. "Now what needs to be completed is my stomach...", he laughed, causing Susan to laugh too.

"I'm hungry too... It's almost noon."

The situation Ben was facing now left him a little bewildered. It was obvious that he should now invite her for lunch. But the connotation that it might have made him nervous... _It will sound like I'm inviting her to a date!_ No it wouldn't... That situation was different, it was just a lunch. It wouldn't sound like a date at all... would it? _Goodness, why am I so foolish? _Ben cleared his throat…

"There's a very good restaurant two blocks away from here...", he began hesitantly, still insecure. "Would you like to... have lunch with me?"

Susan smiled fondly at Ben. She noticed his insecurity, but she thought his nervousness was due to her previous bad behavior... _Poor Ben..._

"Yes, it will be a pleasure, Ben", she answered, receiving a bright smile in response.

During lunch, Ben and Susan talked about several subjects, from childhood pranks to difficulties of college. Now Susan finished telling about the trips she made in her free year between school and college.

"I had a similar experience...", Ben said, "But in my case it was two years between school and college. When I finished college, I spent a year plunging into my family's business. I spent day after day with my father at the company headquarters, I visited factories and ships… I learned so much..."

As Ben spoke, Susan watched him closely. He was so much alike Caspian... _By Aslan, how is this possible...?_ She felt somewhat attracted to him, she couldn't help it... But she knew that the source of this attraction was her love for Caspian. She looked at Ben and she saw her Telmarine prince... There was no way to be different.

Susan even came to think about the crazy possibility of him _being_ Caspian, but she quickly washed this thought away from her mind, for it was logically impossible. Until a few years ago, Caspian had been alive in Narnia; he couldn't be alive in Narnia and in London at the same time... The most logical theory was that Ben was a sort of counterpart of Caspian... A Londoner counterpart of a Narnian… _Counterparts are quite common..._, she thought. She remembered she felt shocked once, when she was in America with her parents. She could almost swear she had seen Peter there, but she knew it wasn't him because he had stayed in London studying for university with Professor Kirke...

Now Susan decided stop wondering and pay attention to what Ben was saying.

"My father wanted me to learn everything about our business, and he also wanted me to be sure of what I wanted...", Ben explained. "He wanted to know for sure if I really wanted to get involved with the company or if I had something else in mind."

"It's a natural concern..."

"Yes, it is... He places on me his hopes of running the company in the future."

"Are you an only child?"

"No, but I'm the only one 'available'...", Ben laughed. "I have two older sisters, Hilda and Marion, but both are already married and living abroad with their husbands. Marion is living in France, and Hilda is in Italy. But they visit us a couple times a year."

"I see... So your father can count only on you now."

"Yes, that's it... But I don't blame him, nor complain about it. I've always been interested in our business. I've always loved the sea. I've always enjoyed ships, boats in general... That's why I decided to attend the marine engineering course. I think it's very important to know what we're dealing with. And after this year of 'traineeship', I spent a year traveling, meeting new people, knowing new places, just like you. And it was a highly valuable experience."

"Your parents must be very proud of you...", Susan smiled.

"Well... I do my best not to disappoint them...", Ben replied shyly, a slight flush appearing on his face. "I hope I can meet their expectations..."

"I'm sure you already meet them", she said, staring amiably at him.

Ben smiled awkwardly and looked at Susan's eyes, almost getting lost in that deep blue sea. But he quickly looked away. _Control yourself, Ben... She just wants your friendship, there's no use holding out hope_, he said to himself.

Then he noticed that both of them had already finished their meals.

"So… what do you want to do now? Do you want to come back?"

"I... I don't know... What do you have in mind?"

_Since we are here__... why not?_, he thought.

"Well, it's been a long time since I last came here, I miss this place… Maybe we can take a walk, since we are already here... What do you think?"

"I think it's a great idea!"

Ben asked for the bill, and they both left the restaurant towards his car.

"You seem familiar with this place... Have you ever lived here?"

"Not exactly... When my grandparents were alive they lived here, and I used to spend holidays with them as a child."

"I see... And where exactly are we going now?"

"We are going to one of my favorite places here. It's a very beautiful park, with a huge lake and several trees… Nature is everywhere, it's an enchanting place!"

On reaching the park, Ben and Susan walked slowly, appreciating the beauty of the place, till they reached a bench facing the lake. There they sat and chatted lively for hours. The subjects seemed to have no end, for they easily moved from one topic to another, revealing a strong affinity between them.

After a few hours they got hungry again, and Ben took Susan to a coffee house, where they stayed talking until shortly before sunset. Their moments together had been so pleasant that they didn't even realize they had spent the whole day with each other.

"Thanks for today, Ben! It was a very enjoyable day, thank you...", Susan said gently when they reached the entrance to her dorm.

"It's I who need to thank you… I really appreciated your company, Susan... I was getting grumpy with the possibility to go there alone, you know...", he laughed, making Susan laugh too. "A good company is always welcome..."

"Thanks for the 'good company' bit...", she said, with a half smile on her face.

_To me you're __much more than a good company, Susan..._, Ben thought, unable to look away from her eyes this time.

"Well, I need to go now...", Susan said, without noticing the intensity of his gaze. "See you, Ben! Have a good night."

"Have a good night...", Ben said, before watching her going away and entering the dorm.

Ben stood a few minutes staring at the front of the building before returning to his car. His heart was overflowing with joy, even knowing she wanted him only as a friend. It didn't matter if she didn't feel for him what he felt for her... What mattered was that now they were friends, not 'enemies', and he would cherish every second of this friendship.

From her window, Susan's gaze followed Ben's car down the road, until he turned the first corner. A smile appeared on her lips. It had been such a long time since she last spent so precious moments with someone. How could she be so rude to Ben in the beginning? He was such a sweet guy, so gentle and so kind...

When she woke up that morning, she had no idea her day would be so special and so pleasant! Then she realized she had gained a very precious friend.

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**Hello, guys! Thank you so much for all the reviews, I loved all of them! Thank you! ^_^**

**I'm really sorry for the delay… :( I've been a little busy lately. I posted the Portuguese version of this chapter a few days ago, but only today I got to translate it. By the way, I hope you liked it!**

**Now, R&R please! ****^_^**

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REVIEW REPLIES

**Sazz: Yes, a friendship definitely is better than nothing! =P I'll prepare a happy ending for Marianne too, don't worry... :) I'm glad you liked the chapter, and I hope you liked this one too! Thanks for the review!**

**Narniandream: Thank you for the advice, I'm trying to do my best not to ruin the plot, I know I chose a complicated plotline. But I didn't get why it's like Twilight… Well, I'm glad you're appreciating my story, thank you! And don't worry, there will be no brides war… =P**

**ANJALI BOSE: Don't worry about being late, better late than never! =P Yeah, they're finally friends! Let's see what happens now… Thanks for the review! :D**

**Nyanna al'Meara: ****Oh, I'm really glad you're liking my story, thank you! And thank you for the compliments on my writing and my translation, it means a lot to me! :)**


	9. Valiant

**Chapter 9 - ****Valiant**

"Anne!", John called his sister when he saw her leaving the psychology building. "Your class is already over?"

"Yes, it finished a few minutes ago..."

"Where is Susan?"

"I don't know... I took a little longer in the classroom, I needed to talk to the professor about some issues, but Susan hurried out and said she would meet me at the entrance to campus. We're going to meet Danna now and do some shopping."

"Hum, it explains everything..."

"Explains what?"

"Ben rushed out after class too, he didn't even wait for me... I bet he..."

John didn't need to complete his sentence. When they reached the entrance to the campus, they saw a scene that was quite self-explanatory. Ben and Susan were across the street, in front of the newsstand, chatting lively. John and Marianne looked at each other, gave a half smile and went towards them.

"What's wrong with this picture?", John asked, approaching them with a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Wha-... What picture?", Ben asked, not getting exactly what his friend meant.

"This!", John pointed at Ben and Susan, expressing himself dramatically and causing Marianne to do her best to contain her laughter.

"I don't know what you're talking about...", Ben replied.

Susan just watched, puzzled by the course of that conversation.

"Well, I'm going to tell you then...", John said, now turning to Susan. "You, Susan Pevensie, are supposed to be my dear little sister's friend..."

Susan was about to open her mouth to say something when Marianne cut her.

"Why don't you stop calling me 'little'? I'm only four and a half minutes younger than you!"

"But yet you're several inches shorter than me, which makes you the little one..."

"Hunf..."

"And you, dear Panda, you are supposed to be _my_ friend. And what we have here? Two poor siblings abandoned by their best friends!", John completed heatedly, in a totally fake discontentment.

"He just called you Panda?", Susan asked, finally noticing what she had just heard.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic...", Ben said, pretending he didn't hear Susan's question.

"He just called you _Panda_?", she asked again, now grinning at him.

"Yeah! I did! Didn't he tell you about his cute nickname?"

"No, he didn't! How adorable!"

"No, it's not adorable at all...", Ben replied, his cheeks reddening, and then he turned to John, glaring furiously at him. "Do you want me to kill you now or later?"

"Oh, don't kill him, it's so adorable! Panda... How... how cute! Where did it come from?"

"You don't want to know..."

"Yes, I do!"

"No, you don't."

"Well, when our dear Ben was a tiny little kid...", John started, causing Ben to raise his hand to his forehead and half-hide his face in shame, "he used do sleep with a plush panda and, according to his mother, he could turn into an evil annoying little monster if his toy were dragged from him, which his sisters very much enjoyed to do..."

"Oh, I bet he was the cutest thing in the world!"

"Oh, yes, he was... When you go to his house, ask his mother to show you pictures of him as a kid!"

"John!", Ben was on the verge of despair.

"Actually you won't need to ask, she'll probably show them on her own!"

"Have you already finished embarrassing me, John?"

"Yes, I have...", John replied with a satisfied smile on his face.

"Good."

"Well...", now it was Marianne's turn to talk. "Let's go, Su? Danna is waiting for us..."

"Yes, let's go...", Susan replied, then turned to Ben. "I'll go shopping with them today... Before they think I swapped their friendship for yours and gave up them forever...", she added, laughing.

"I only hope they're not as dramatic as John...", Ben replied, laughing too, glancing at his friend, who exchanged a few last words with Marianne. "Hum... Can I see you tomorrow?"

"I don't know... Tomorrow I'll probably not be a good company, you know... I'm going to the cemetery, I'll visit my family's grave. My sister would turn 18 tomorrow..."

"I see... Are you going alone?"

"Yes..."

"Would you like... some company?"

"Oh, Ben... I would highly appreciate it! I didn't want to go there alone, but... I didn't dare to ask anybody to go with me. An invitation to go to a cemetery isn't the most pleasant one...", Susan smiled a bit awkwardly.

"I don't mind going to a cemetery, since it will make you feel better."

"Thanks..."

"Come on, Su!", Marianne called again.

"I'm going!"

"So... See you tomorrow...", Ben said.

"See you tomorrow", Susan smiled.

Ben watched Susan going away with Marianne and completely forgot John's presence.

"Err... Hi?"

"Huh? Hi, John..."

"So... When will you confess your love to her?"

Ben looked at John in a complete disbelief.

"_Do as I say not as I do_... Is this your premise, my friend?"

"It's not like this, John..."

"To me it seems exactly like this."

"It isn't. The relationship between you and Danna is quite different from mine with Susan. You are afraid to confess your feelings because you think Danna sees you only as a brother, but you are not sure of that. Besides, Danna has never hated you and never said that your mistake was being born..."

"You haven't forgotten it, have you?"

"It's not that I'm still hurt, you know... I'm not hurt anymore. Her friendship 'healed' me... But I don't want to risk it all and suffer everything again. I don't want her to think I saved her life just to get to her."

"Don't be silly, she would never think that! It seems she really like you now."

"Yes, but just as a friend. I don't want to risk our friendship. I love her so much, I want to be by her side always... I don't want her to reject me again..."

"What if she fell in love with you and got afraid to reveal it too? You two would be missing the chance to experience something really beautiful. Your friendship is pretty remarkable already, it has grown a lot so quickly..."

"I don't think it will happen. But if it happend, I think I would notice it..."

"Don't count on it, my friend... We men are terrible when it comes to women's feelings, especially when they decide to hide them from us..."

"I must agree with that, unfortunately..."

"But don't worry... If Susan ends up falling for you, I'm pretty sure I'll end up knowing... You know my sister, she's always playing the Cupid..."

Ben just laughed. He had no hope that it could really happen. But he surely would be the happiest man in the world if he could win Susan's heart...

* * *

"So you finally decided to spend some time with us, Su! What a miracle! We barely talked to each other since before the beginning of the semester, and it's been two weeks!", Marianne complained.

"Now she only cares about her _new friend_...", Danna completed Marianne's speech.

"Oh, don't be dramatic, you're talking like John..."

"Because he's right!", both answered in unison.

"You really confuse me, guys. You wanted me to be with Ben, didn't you? Why are you complaining now?"

"Because you don't need to abandon us completely for that...", Marianne said, pouting slightly.

"Oh... Sorry girls... I didn't mean to abandon you..."

"Besides...", Danna said, "we wanted you to give Ben a chance, not turning him into your _best friend forever_!"

"Wh-what? But that's what he is! My friend!"

"Yeah, Danna is right. I'm sure Ben wishes to be much more than that... I remember how he got worried when you were in hospital... And before that, I remember my brother saying how Ben was suffering because of your rejection. He told me Ben was deeply in love with you."

"John said that...?"

"Yes, he said it clearly..."

"Well... If Ben ever had feelings for me, I'm sure he doesn't have them anymore. Frankly, who would still be in love with a suicide? He must have been very disappointed after what I did... I'm sure what he feels for me today is nothing but pure friendship."

"And what about you, Su? Don't you feel anything for him? Anything at all?", Danna asked.

"Well, I like his company. He is kind and sweet... And he's a very funny guy, he often makes me laugh... And we can talk about everything for hours without feeling tired, and we agree with each other in almost everything. We discovered we have many affinities... He's a very good friend."

"Su, that's not what I'm talking about!"

"Look, he's very handsome, attractive, he has a wonderful smile...", Marianne explained. "Don't you feel any attracted to him? Really?"

"Of course not! He's very cute, I admit, but he's just my friend! Stop imagining things..."

"Oh my God, look at this dress! How beautiful!"

Susan was relieved she suddenly was not the focus of Marianne and Danna's attention anymore. Now they were too busy going crazy with the dresses on the store. She took the opportunity to think about her feelings for Ben. To be honest, she did feel attracted to him... And she was enjoying their moments together more than she should... But she couldn't admit it to her friends. If they suspected it, they would probably start a campaign to bring them together, eventually involving John. And Ben would know... But it couldn't happen at all.

She was pretty sure Ben didn't have any romantic interest for her anymore since she attempted suicide. But the main reason for not letting him know about her feelings was its source... She felt attracted to him, that was undeniable... But she was fully aware that what attracted her was his resemblance to Caspian. Caspian was the one she loved and would always love... Even if there was no use keeping this love alive in her heart. He was from another world, and by now he probably didn't even exist anymore... She could never let Ben know about this feeling. He was a very special guy and he certainly deserved to be loved for his qualities, not for resembling someone else.

Susan sighed and decided to push those thoughts aside for now. It was better to turn her attention to Marianne and Danna, who now were highly entertained in the shoes section.

* * *

The next day, a cloudy gray Saturday, Ben joined Susan on her visit to her family's grave. When they reached the gates of the cemetery, Susan took a deep breath.

"I didn't come back here since their funeral... I had no courage to come back..."

"Are you ready now?"

"I am... Something tells me they are fine now...", she said. In fact she was sure they were fine, because of the talk she had with Lucy while she was in hospital. But obviously she couldn't tell Ben about this...

Susan entered the cemetery toward her family's grave, and Ben followed her. When they got there, she approached slowly and placed flowers on top of the grave. When she looked at her parents' and siblings' pictures, her eyes filled with tears.

Ben placed the flowers he had brought on the grave as well. Then he noticed where Susan was looking to and looked too. And when he saw Peter's, Edmund's and Lucy's face on the pictures, his heart almost stopped. A very strange feeling came over him. _It can't be..._ He was sure he had already seen them before... But when? _Maybe I've seen them when they were still alive... They lived in this same city after all..._, Ben thought, not believing too much his own theory though. No, the feeling was too much strong... He felt as if he had really known them. It was so strange... But Ben didn't have time to think deeply about this issue. Susan's sobs reached his hears, causing his chest to ache.

Ben felt his heart break by seeing Susan crying, and he couldn't stop himself: he took her in his arms in a comforting hold, which Susan accepted without hesitation. They stood like this for a while: Susan crying painfully, Ben stroking her hair and trying to calm her down.

"I miss them so much, Ben..."

"I know, my dear, I know... But I'm sure they are together in a very beautiful place, away from all the suffering and all the harshness of our world... They are fine, and I'm sure they wouldn't like to see you so sad... I'm sure they want you to be a strong girl..."

Susan was gradually calming down with Ben's words and care. Within minutes her tears ceased, but she kept hugging Ben for some more time. His hold was so warm and pleasant... She felt protected in his arms. It felt so good... She could stay like this forever.

Ben felt when Susan's hold around his waist tightened a bit, and his heartbeat quickened. Feeling her so close to him was painfully tempting... He had to evoke all his self-control not to do anything stupid. Firstly because he didn't want to ruin their friendship; secondly because they were in a cemetery! _For goodness sake, what am I thinking...? _He closed his eyes, sighed resignedly and placed a kiss on her crown.

Susan felt his kiss and closed her eyes, pressing her head a little more against his chest. Then she noticed his heart was racing... frantically racing... And this realization disturbed her, especially because it made her heartbeat quicken as well. It was better not to let that moment go further... Then she slowly pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, smiling tenderly.

"Thanks... Thanks for your gentle words, and thanks for coming here with me."

"No need to thank me...", he said, taking one of his hands to Susan's face and wiping the remaining traces of tears. "Just be strong and please don't cry anymore... Your smile is my reward..."

Susan couldn't restrain a smile, and Ben smiled at her as well, staring at her with utter fascination. _I love you so much, Susan..._, he thought. Ben was about to get lost in her eyes and probably make a fool of himself, but he decided to break the eye contact and looked at another random direction.

Then Susan turned to the grave again and started a silent prayer. Ben did the same, despite the strange feeling he was experiencing. He clearly felt as if they were not dead... He could even imagine them clearly in his mind... Happy and alive... What a weird feeling...

"We can go now...", Susan said, after finishing her prayer.

"Okay, let's go..."

They headed toward the entrance to the cemetery. Susan was walking in front of Ben and didn't notice when he briefly turned around.

Ben had felt a strange urge to look again to the grave's direction. And when he did so, he saw something that touched the deep core of his heart. There was a beautiful young girl in front of the tomb, and she was bent over the flowers that had just been left there, exhaling their pleasant scent. She was tall and elegant. Her long hair was waving with the cool breeze, and she was a wearing a sort of an antique style dress, like the one Susan was wearing in one of his strange dreams. She was somewhat ethereal... Ben wasn't afraid of that vision, quite the contrary. It was pleasant to look at her. She looked like an angel... Suddenly she looked at his direction and smiled at him.

_"You are doing __great... Thanks again for wanting to save my sister... Thank you so much!"_

Ben could hear her voice inside his mind. He had no doubt about who it was. That 'angel' was Susan's sister herself. And again he was sure he knew her.

_Queen Lucy, the Valiant__..._, he thought, immediately wondering where this thought came from.

Anyway, even if his reason couldn't clearly define what was going on, his heart got the message, and somehow he knew he was on the right path.

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**Hello guys! I want to thank you for all the wonderful reviews, they really made my day! You're great! ****I hope you liked this chapter as well! ^_^**

**Please keep reviewing, it means a lot to me! ^^**

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**REVIEW REPLIES**

**Sazz: Oh, thank you! Yeah, Ben doesn't want to lose what he has achieved already, that is Susan's friendship. That's why he's so reluctant about showing his real**** feelings... And about your suggestion... Well, let's see what happens... ;) Thanks for your review! :)**

**Klara: I'm glad you're appreciating my fanfic! And don't worry about your English, I'm not a native speaker either****. I'm Brazilian... :) Thanks for all your reviews! :)**

**Florence: Oh, thank you! So you think I should publish it? Well, I'm very flattered by your suggestion, it means you're REALLY enjoying my story! :D But no, I don't intend to publish it, it's just a fanfic, you know... After all, I think CS Lewis Company would burn me on a bonfire... LOL**

**Aslan Lover: Wow, that's a huge compliment! I'm very very very flattered, thank you so much! But I'm not that good at all... XD I'm glad you're liking the translation, thanks! And don't worry, Susan won't get angry at Ben again... Now that she discovered all his sweetness and cuteness, it will be impossible to get mad at him again! =P Ben will remember his past completely, but I'm afraid it won't happen so soon though... About Susan going to Aslan's Country... Well, you'll have to wait a little longer to discover it... :) Thanks for your review!**

**Narniandreamer: Thank you so much! And yeah, I know how to speak Portuguese. Actually Portuguese is my first language, I'm Brazilian... :)**

**Your1Fan: Wow, another big flattering compliment! Thank you so much! But, again, I'm not that good at all! I'm just a newbie ficwriter, you know, I have yet a lot to learn... Thank you very very much for your review and for your huge compliments! I'm very flattered, really! :)**

**Flavia: Oh, thanks for the tips! Now let me answer to them: (1) Yeah, you're right... But I do have an explanation for that. In Portuguese, Aslan's name is Aslam, with "m". And when I translate the fic from Portuguese to English, I often forget to change his name... But I'll try to pay more attention to that. I've just corrected the remaining "Aslam's", I think it's ok now... :) (2) Actually, Aslan did say Caspian would remember everything, but he didn't assure it would happen as soon as he saw Susan... Here is the quote: "When the time comes, you will meet Susan and then you will have back your memories. ****Maybe it will not happen immediately****, but you will certainly remember everything, and it will be as if you've never forgotten." :) (3) I swear I try not to delay! =P**

**Can'tbebotheredtologin: Oh thank you! I'm glad you found my story interesting, I try to do my best... :) And I've already corrected Aslan's name, thank you! I've just explained above the reason of this mistake... =P Thanks for the review! :)**

**Boonie: Ok, ok, ok! XD**


	10. Unexpected meeting

**Chapter 10 - Unexpected meeting**

_The night was cool and pleasant __as he leaned on his bedroom's window, staring at the moon and feeling the soft breeze on his skin. The anxiety was almost driving him crazy when he finally heard his door opening. He stood watching as she closed the door and then approached him._

_Susan smiled awkwardly, the moonlight revealing the flush on her cheeks. She was so adorable... He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her passionately, but he didn't know if it was appropriate. In fact that whole situation itself was not appropriate at all, Susan being in his room that time of the night..._

_T__hen she came closer to him and took her hand to his face and caressed it, as he gazed into her eyes intensely. She slowly moved her hand to the back of his neck, pulled his face toward hers and kissed him._

_The kiss started softly, gently__. But in no time the desire to make it deeper became irresistible. Susan parted her lips lightly, silently asking to deepen the kiss, and he eagerly granted her request. Their tongues met in an utterly sensual way, moving slowly yet passionately. His hands held tightly over Susan's waist, making her shiver slightly under his firm touch._

_When he felt he was about to lose control, he decided to stop the kiss, but the desire inside of him prevented him from being successful. His lips indeed left hers, but they were still placing kisses on her skin... First on her chin, then on her throat, and finally on her neck._

_Susan gasped and shivered again, this time more strongly. And in an extraordinary effort, she managed to make her voice out in a faint whisper as she kept caressing the back of his neck._

"_Oh, Caspian__..."_

Ben opened his eyes and groaned as he stared at the roof above him. It had been a dream, and now it was over. _Oh, no..._ His heart was racing. _Damn, why did I have to wake up right now?_

Ben sat on the bed and sighed, running a hand through his hair. He had just dreamed of Susan. And it was so good... After some minutes cursing himself for having woken, he laid down again and closed his eyes, trying to remember the dream, which was not very difficult. He could remember perfectly the feeling of having Susan in his arms, the feeling of kissing her... _Oh, I wish it were not a dream..._

It was inevitable that he ended up having a dream like that with Susan, especially after what he felt when he held her in his arms the day before. He experienced such closeness that made him want more, but he didn't know if he could be with her that way again. And being with her as he had been in that dream seemed simply impossible...

That dream was different from the ones he had had with Susan before. The previous dreams were vague, as if shrouded in mist, and he could barely distinguish Susan except for her eyes. But this time was different. The dream was clear, it was more like a memory... But it had obviously been a dream.

And, like almost every ordinary dream, it had some curious elements... Firstly, there was that room where he was in. It definitely was not his real room, and it was quite hard to define it. It looked like a medieval-style room... But it was not totally strange for him. It looked familiar, although Ben has never been in a room like that before. But the weirdest thing of the dream was the name by which Susan called him. _Caspian..._

If dreams were the result of people's inner desires, this dream was easily explainable. He loved Susan and wanted to have that kind of closeness with her – although it seemed impossible –, so he dreamed of it... Besides, Ben always had some sympathy for medieval themes, which was certainly an explanation for that room's style.

But what about Susan calling him Caspian? No one called him by his middle name, and it was often reduced to an initial, which is why many people didn't know what the C of 'Benjamin C. Whittaker' meant. Despite that, he liked that name, and always thought it matched him perfectly, although he didn't know exactly why. But, of course, his sisters never lost an opportunity to tease him about it...

_"Ben, you have to thank __heavens every single day for having been conceived at the Caspian Sea... I wonder if mom and dad had chosen a cruise in the Atlantic Ocean, or perhaps in the Pacific Ocean, for their second honeymoon... You would be screwed!"_, Hilda teased him once.

_"Benjamin __Atlantic Whittaker or Benjamin Pacific Whittaker? What would be worse?"_, Marion continued, then bursting into laughter.

Ben loved his sisters, and their relationship had always been very affectionate. But they definitely could be pretty annoying sometimes... _I just hope this joke never reaches John's ears, or I'll be really screwed..._ Ben felt a chill to think of that possibility. So he decided to think of more pleasant matters and started remembering the dream again. _I wish it would be true some day... Susan and I..._

_"Until when will you __manage to hide your feelings from her, Ben?"_, John asked in the last conversation they had. _"You two have been always so close lately, I swear I don't know how you resist. I at least keep some safe distance from Danna..."_

_"I__'ve already told you, John... I don't want to risk our friendship, I don't want her to reject me again."_

_"I don't think she'll reject you again, Ben. She likes you, there's no way to deny it. Marianne and Danna are always 'complaining' about Susan having 'abandoned' them for you..."_

_"But it doesn't mean she likes me the way I like her. She likes me as a friend."_

_"Maybe you're right, but it'__s a start... But you know what? I think she already likes you more than that... She just didn't realize it yet."_

_"Hmm... Have you ever thought that this might also apply to Danna?"_

_"I'll never be able to give you some love advice without it turning against me immediately, huh?"_

_"No."_

_"I suspected it__."_

Ben smiled. Perhaps his friend was right... Maybe it was foolishness to continue feeding the fear of being rejected again. Until when would he bear to be so close to Susan without taking any action? Until when would he be able to hold back this feeling that was growing so intensely each day? Sooner or later it would become painful to him, being with her without being able to touch her in a loving manner, to hold her, to kiss her...

It was almost morning, but the thunders outside announced a monotonous rainy Sunday, perfect for studying a little, as Susan said the day before, anticipating the Sunday's weather based on that gray Saturday. Ben decided to use the idea, since he hadn't even opened any book since the beginning of the semester... But he definitely didn't need to wake up so early for that, so he decided to go back to sleep, drowning in the memories of his sweet dream...

* * *

Susan spent the day studying the topics of the first two weeks of classes. The previous weekend she hadn't studied anything, since she spent nearly all her time with Ben – one of the reasons why Marianne and Danna complained to her recently. And it was Ben who she couldn't stop thinking of now... Every two or three pages she read, his image came back to her mind.

She was never tired of remembering Ben's gesture of affection on the cemetery, holding her and comforting her when she needed it most. And what she felt when he held her was exceptional... She felt loved and protected as she didn't feel since a long time ago... To tell the truth, until then she only had felt that way with... Caspian.

Susan could clearly feel Ben's heart beating wildly when she held him tighter... She could even feel some change in his breathing... It definitely meant something. Did he still have feelings for her even after she proved not to be worthy of being loved by anyone? That was her opinion about her coward act after all...

She was feeling more confused than she ever felt in her entire life. On the one hand, her heart rejoiced at the thought that Ben could still be in love with her... Her need to be next to him was growing stronger each day. His presence made her feel so good...

But on the other hand there was the real reason behind everything. It would be very wrong to feed Ben's feelings – whatever they were – when what really attracted her was Ben's similarity to Caspian. She could hide this and take advantage of the situation, but that would be a horrible attitude... Her conscience would never approve it. That would not be fair to Ben. He was so good, so tender, so sensitive, so kind, so... perfect. She needed to find a way to restrain her attraction to him, or she would end up making him suffer.

_I so wanted to be able to talk to someone about it__... If Lucy were here she would understand me, she could give me some advice..._

Susan didn't want to talk to her friends about this matter. She would have to be extremely careful with her words not to reveal anything about Narnia... No, it was easier just not to talk to them. And all the people related to Narnia somehow were now gone... Her siblings, Professor Kirke, Miss Plummer...

It was almost dark and the storm was finally over. The sky was almost clear now, and the night promised to be beautiful. Susan closed her books and decided to take some rest. She had studied almost all day. Then she went to the window to check outside and she was pleasantly surprised when she saw Ben's car across the street. He was outside, leaning on the car, looking toward Susan's window, and the smile that appeared on his face when he saw her was absolutely ravishing.

Susan smiled back and almost couldn't contain her joy on seeing him. She quickly left her room and went down to the street to meet him.

"Ben, what are you doing here?", she asked with a grin on her face, causing Ben's heart to quicken at her beautiful smile.

"I spent all the day studying, and when I finished I noticed the rain was gone... So I decided to take a walk and then I came here to see if you had already finished studying too..."

"How long are you here?"

"I just got here...", he lied. He had been there for at least half an hour, looking at her window and trying to take some courage, deciding whether to call her out or not.

"I just finished studying, and now I have absolutely nothing to do..."

"I was thinking...", he started, clearing his throat. "There's a film that just opened and I read very good reviews about it, but it's a suspense film and..."

"_The Third Man_?"

"Exactly! Have you heard about it?"

"Of course, I'm dying to watch it! I tried calling the girls to go with me, but they only like dramas and romantic comedies... Not that I don't like them too, but I like other genres as well."

"Would you like to watch it with me?", Ben asked without hesitation, in a rare moment of courage. Actually he wanted to invite her to watch some romantic movie, but he decided it was not a good idea... Not yet. It would probably sound like a date to her.

"Are you asking me out on a date, Ben?", she asked with a mischievous smile on her lips, but she soon regretted the joke. She was already used to tease Ben, and he teased her sometimes as well, like friends do. But this time it sounded a bit different... Especially because Ben blushed immediately, causing Susan's heart to flutter in her chest.

"Err, I... Well, I just wanted... I..."

"I'm just kidding, Ben!", Susan smiled nervously, trying to fix the situation after seeing Ben's reaction. "Of course I want to watch it with you! Just give me a minute, I need to change. I'll be right back!"

Susan quickly returned to the dorm, leaving Ben speechless.

_Just __kidding..._

Ben leaned against his car in a comfortable position, totally prepared to wait at least 40 minutes for Susan to change her clothes and get ready to go out. Surprisingly, Susan returned only 20 minutes later – contradicting Ben's expectations. And when Ben caught her sight, he found himself completely unable to verbalize anything. Actually he was unable to do anything but admiring her.

"Ben, I'm ready. We can go now."

He didn't answer and kept staring at her as if hypnotized. _So beautiful..._ Susan was in a simple yet beautiful rose-colored dress. It was slightly low-necked, but it was enough to trigger certain fantasies in Ben, especially now that he was still under the effect of his last dream... The dress came down right below her knees, revealing her beautiful calves, which were gracefully balanced on a pair of beige high heels that matched perfectly her delicacy. Her hair was loose, like Ben had never seen before. She always used something to tie it, but this time her locks fell freely about her shoulders. She was stunning.

"Ben...?", Susan tried to 'wake' him up.

"You look so beautiful... You _are_ so beautiful...", he said, unable to hold back his admiration.

Susan blushed intensely with the compliment and briefly looked away. But soon her eyes came back to his, and she kept staring at him, their eyes completely locked.

"Thank you...", she replied in a low voice, surprised with the reaction that came from inside of her chest. A pleasant feeling warmed her heart and made it beat faster at the intensity of his gaze. And what a gaze... His eyes were dark, mysterious, and they seemed to hide so many secrets... And she suddenly felt the need to discover them.

Ben kept staring at her, till shyness finally overcame Susan, causing her to lower her gaze, smiling awkwardly. Ben realized he had embarrassed her, but he preferred to let things like that, instead of apologizing or recant. She was beautiful, enchantingly beautiful, and she definitely deserved to know that.

"Well... Shall we go?", Ben finally asked.

"Yes, let's go..."

* * *

"Ben, the film was fantastic!", Susan said excitedly.

"Yeah, it was! It's been a long time since I last watched such a great film!"

Ben and Susan headed to the snack bar across the street and, while waiting for their meals, they talked about the most interesting parts of the movie. Suddenly, something caught Susan's attention. At a table in the opposite side of the hall, there were a woman and a boy, who seemed to be about 6 years old. The woman was looking intently at Susan and Ben, and the expression on her face was of utter bewilderment – exactly the same expression on Susan's face now.

Susan couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing at all. But, thinking further about that matter, it was not totally impossible to find her there. They were in the same world after all... She looked at the woman and the kid for some more time till she finally took courage.

"Susan, is there something wrong?", Ben asked, a bit worried.

"No... It's just... I've just saw someone I haven't seen for a long time... Would you mind if I went over there to greet her? I'll be back in no time."

"No problem, I'll be waiting here."

"Okay. I'll be right back."

Susan stood up and took a deep breath as she walked toward them. The woman saw she was coming, and now her expression was totally unreadable. Distrust? Shock? More confusion? It was impossible to define.

When Susan came near the table, the woman stood up as a sign of respect and greeted her with a light bow.

"Queen Prunaprismia..."

"Queen Susan..."

"Please, no need to call me like that here... I'm not a queen in this world...", Susan smiled.

"Neither am I... Actually, neither here nor in Narnia...", Prunaprismia said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Let's just leave our titles aside...", Susan said sheepishly.

"Okay... You know, I never expected to find you here...", she said, clearly surprised.

"Me neither", Susan said, as surprised as Prunaprismia. Then she looked at the boy. "Is he your child?"

"Yes, that's my boy... Son, say hello to Susan..."

"Hello, Susan! You are pretty!", he said lively, grinning at her.

"Oh, thank you...", she said, smiling fondly at the boy. "And you're a very handsome boy!"

"That guy with you... Is he...?", she didn't finish her question, but her inquiry eyes did it.

"No, it's not him. But he really looks like him, doesn't he?"

"Yes, he does! It's amazing... Are you sure it's not him?"

"Yes, I'm sure... Ben was born here, and he always lived here in London. It would be impossible."

"So it's a huge coincidence...", she said, looking at Ben without being noticed by him.

"Prunaprismia... I would love to be able to talk to you now, but...", Susan looked at Ben's direction. "Could we meet another day?"

"Of course! I never thought that one day I would cross with you or your siblings here, although we live in the same world now... But since I met you, I'd love to have a longer talk with you..."

"It will be a pleasure. Are you living in London?"

"No, we're not... We arrived yesterday and we'll stay in town for a month. My husband is here because of his work, and we just came with him. I got married again a few years ago..."

"I see... It will be great to talk to you. Can we meet tomorrow? I'll be at college by the morning and part of the afternoon, but I can meet you after class."

"It's perfect."

They set the time and the place for their meeting, and then Susan left. Then she returned to her table, and the shock was still on her face.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes... It was an old friend. It's been such a long time since I last heard of her that I honestly didn't think I would see her again someday...", she explained.

"I see...", Ben said before looking at the direction where Susan had come from.

Prunaprismia was still looking at them, and when Ben saw her, he felt something even stranger than when he saw the pictures of Susan's siblings on the cemetery. Then, he saw when she left the table with her kid and made her way out of the snack bar. Ben followed her with his eyes, completely astonished, while a scene began to form inside his mind: there was that same woman, dressed in an antique-style nightgown, holding a crossbow and aiming at him.

"Ben?"

He didn't hear Susan's voice, such was his shock. The scene was still playing inside his mind, and a pained expression came over his face as he saw the woman's arrow reaching his arm.

"Ben!"

Ben heard Susan's voice this time and looked at her, looking completely confused.

"So-... Sorry..."

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am... I just...". _How to explain this to Susan?_ "I thought I knew this woman from somewhere and I was trying to remember from where, but it was useless... I think it was just an impression..."

Susan was surprised at Ben's reaction before Prunaprismia. Did it mean something? _Did he rememb-...? _Susan didn't complete her thought, since she remembered the conclusion that she had come to before: it would be impossible for Ben and Caspian to exist simultaneously in different worlds if they were the same person. _It must be just coincidence. He must have known someone like her, just that..._

"You seemed to feel some pain... Are you sure you're okay?"

"It was just a beginning of a headache, nothing to worry about...", he said, obviously lying. He realized he must have shown some pain on his face when the arrow reached his arm on his 'daydream', but he definitely couldn't tell her what really happened. _I'm sure she would think I'm crazy..._

After that, they ate their meal and then Ben took Susan to the dorm.

"Thanks, Ben... I thought the entire day would be a complete failure, but you saved my night!"

"No... It was _you_ who saved my night..."

Susan smiled sheepishly, as she remembered one thing...

"Ben... Do you forgive me?"

"Forgive you for what?"

"Well... for the Panda thing the other day... I sort of helped John to tease you... I should have stopped when I noticed you were mad..."

"Susan, I would never be mad at you... John loves to tease me and I really get mad at him sometimes. But you... It's just impossible..."

"Really? You didn't get mad at me?"

"Of course not... Besides...", now he stared deeply at her eyes, "I think I like my nickname now, you know..."

"You do?", she asked, puzzlement written on her face.

"Yes. Because it amuses you... I love everything that can make you smile", he said, deciding it was time to let his heart speak now. It wasn't any love confession yet, but it was a good start if he really intended to let her know about his feelings some day.

Susan blushed slightly and smiled, enchanted by Ben's sweetness. She was about to lose herself in his dark gaze when suddenly he got closer to her in a way that made her heart race, but he just placed a tender kiss on her forehead.

"Good night, Susan...", he said, clearly wanting to do something else.

"Good night, Ben...", she replied, a little disturbed.

Then she walked towards the entrance to the dorm and stopped at the door, casting a last look at Ben, who had just entered his car. He smiled at Susan again and left.

Susan got to her room and went straight to the shower. She took a long and relaxing bath, then dressed a comfortable pajama and went to bed. But she was very far from being sleepy. She just wanted to lie down quietly, in the dark, only the moonlight lightening softly the room. She just wanted to be alone with her thoughts, and assumptions, and feelings...

Earlier that day, she had decided she needed to find a way to restrain her attraction to Ben, maybe getting away from him for a while. But his arrival was enough to make her completely forget about her resolution, and she let her heart rule her acts, as she so much longed for his company.

_Go__sh, what is happening to me...?_

Susan remembered the way Ben looked at her tonight, more than one time... And she remembered how she felt it.

_I almost melted looking in__to his eyes... Oh no, I can't deceive him this way... I can't do this to Ben, it's Caspian who I love. I can't be so selfish to take advantage of him just to feel close to Caspian... He doesn't deserve this._

_But, damn, __I can't help it! I can't get away from Ben. I want to be next to him, always... I can't even think of getting away from him. I've suffered so much already, I can't go through this one more pain... I have no strength to do it..._

After her 'mental monologue', Susan, feeling sleepy already, came to the conclusion that she couldn't bear to be away from Ben, but, for his sake, she needed to find a way to restrain and hide her feelings for him, which were for Caspian actually. At least she still believed so...

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**Hello, guys! Thanks again for the amazing reviews! I absolutely loved them! Thank you all! :D**

**Please keep reviewing! :)**

**P.S.: **_**The Third Man**_** is a real British movie that was released on theaters on September 1949, and it has won several important prizes and awards. Since I decided Susan and Ben would watch a movie together, I thought it would be nice to put a real one on the story instead of creating one by myself... XD**

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**REVIEW REPLIES**

**Sazz – Glad you liked it! John loves to tease Ben, but he will regret it as soon as Ben starts teasing him too, especially next to Danna... =P Thanks for the review and for being my fan! XD**

**edding – Thank you so much for the compliments! I hope you liked this chapter too! :D**

**Florence – I swear I would update everyday if I had time... =P Actually Ben is not clearly seeing his Caspian identity yet, but he will surely think he's going crazy instead... XD**

**Flavia – Oh, it was not that stupid, it's normal we end up forgetting some parts, that's okay... :) Thanks for the review!**

**Aslan Lover – Hum, I guess this chapter answers your question. Things are changing already... :)**

**Your1Fan – OMG, please don't do it, think of the sustainability! LOL I love the Chronicles too, but I just read it one time... and a half. XD But I do need to finish re-reading at least VDT before the movie comes out... Which means I have 36 days now! Thanks for the review! :D**

**Narniandreamer**** – Glad you like my country, thanks! :D But World Cup? What is it? *pretending not to remember to forget the shame* =P**

**Aleeah – Yeah, he's already remembering a few things, but he has no idea where these 'dreams' and strange memories came from. Thanks for the review and thanks for liking my story! :D**


	11. Two lifetimes, one love

**Chapter 11 - Two lifetimes, one love**

Ben has always been a very attentive student, always paying full attention to his classes. But this time it was different. He just couldn't pay attention to anything that was being said. Luckily anyone noticed it, as he kept staring to the professor as if paying attention to him. But his mind was far, far away.

_What the hell is happening to me?_, he asked himself, remembering the scene that appeared inside his mind last night when he looked at Susan's friend. That woman... He felt as if he knew her, and that feeling was even stronger than what he felt about Susan's siblings, especially about her sister. By the way, he was quite sure that girl was Lucy, but he couldn't understand why she had appeared to him instead of appearing to Susan. And she had talked to him in a sort of telepathy... But why?

Ben started thinking further about all the strange things that were happening to him lately. In the beginning, the strange scenes occurred only in his dreams, in his sleep, but now they were appearing when he was awake too. Last night, after getting home, he was thinking about Susan when another scene took him by surprise. Actually it was part of the scene he had seen on the snack-bar. Susan was there too, dressed in a kind of battle outfit and pointing her bow to that woman while she was pointing her crossbow to him. It was as if Susan was trying to protect him...

_Gods, it doesn't make any sense! This craziness is driving me insane! Or is it my insanity what is producing this craziness...? Oh Lord, I need some help... Some professional help... Quickly._

His first thought was to look for a therapist, but he reconsidered, since he thought he would sound very very freaky, even for a therapist. So he decided to look for something to read. Maybe he could find some answers without showing to anyone that he was going crazy... He needed to go to the library, and he would try to go there as soon as he found some free time. He would like to go today, but he needed to go to John's house after class to get back a book he had left there the last time they studied together. Maybe he could go there after leaving John's house... But now he needed to pay attention to the class, although it seemed to be an impossible task.

* * *

"Here's your book, Ben."

"Oh thanks, John. I don't believe I forgot it here."

"And I don't believe you only noticed it today..."

"Yeah... I'm so distracted lately, I don't know what is happening to me..."

"You don't know? Are you kidding, right? It's called love, my friend..."

"No, it's not only that, John..."

"No?"

"No..."

Ben sighed. He was hesitant about sharing his insanity, but the truth was that he was impatient to talk about his 'freakiness' to someone. John was his friend after all; it wouldn't matter if he thought he was a freaky...

"John... If I tell you something really weird, you won't call me freaky, will you?"

"I'm afraid it's impossible, Ben", John giggled. "The best I can do is swear I won't call you freak in front of other people..."

"Okay, that's okay for me."

"Wow, you look so serious... What is happening? Is it about Susan?"

"In part, yes..."

Then Ben told John everything about the dreams he had since childhood, the ones referring to Susan's eyes, the vision of Susan's sister on the cemetery and his recent 'daydreams'. But John's reaction definitely was not what Ben expected.

"Ben, this is amazing! I've already read about this kind of thing, but I never met anyone who actually was going through this..."

"What are you talking about?"

"Past lives, of course."

"Past lives? Past lives... I've never considered this possibility... You said you've read about it... where?"

"Actually I have a book about it. It's a psychology book. Some time ago Marianne asked me to go to the bookstore to buy some books for her, and I just found this one, and I got really interested. It's about a scientific research on past lives and other psychic phenomena."

"_From India to the Planet Mars, _by Théodore Flournoy", Ben read it in a low voice, before leafing through some pages and reading some passages from the preface. "John, can you lend me this book?"

"Of course, take it! I think you will find the answers you need. But I can tell you that it does seem like past life memories. Maybe you met Susan in another lifetime and that's why you fell so quickly for her!"

"John, it's... it's incredible! Thank you so much!"

"And you thought I would call you freaky... What kind of friend do you think I am?", he asked, pretending to be extremely hurt, causing Ben to laugh.

"You've really surprised me. I didn't know you believed such things."

"Well, life has so many mysteries, we have to try to found out some of them, you know. We can't just close our eyes for the things we can't explain."

"Yeah, you're right..."

Ben looked at the book on his hands and felt some urge to start reading it right now. That was definitely what he was looking for.

* * *

"So you married Glozelle..."

Susan and Prunaprismia had met in a coffee house near the campus and they had been there talking for a couple hours now.

"Yes... When we got in this world, we stayed very close, helping each other, and he developed a great friendship with my father."

"Lord Scythley..."

"Yes... Glozelle was always so attentive, so gentle, and so caring with my son. But it took some time till we started a relationship Two years, I guess. I was not prepared for a new relationship in the beginning. I didn't even thought about that. But two years later I started thinking about marrying again, giving a father to my son. Then I realized Glozelle was always there for me, and I thought 'why not?'."

"I see... I think Glozelle had always been a good man, I could see good feelings in him. When we fought on the Narnian Revolution, I witnessed a scene that was pretty touching. Caspian was on the ground and Glozelle stood in front of him and could easily kill him if he wanted. But he didn't. And even if the trees hadn't appeared on that very moment, I'm sure he wouldn't have killed Caspian. He hesitated, and I saw a glimmer of loyalty on his eyes. Caspian was the rightful heir of the throne after all."

"Yes, he was. And Miraz tried to steal his throne and obliged Glozelle to follow his orders. That's why he accepted the offer to come to this world, he was so ashamed...", she said, in a voice filled with sorrow. "Look, I want to apologize for my behavior back then... I injured Caspian, when all he wanted was to claim his rights..."

"No need to apologize, Prunaprismia... You did what you needed to do, you was just defending your husband. You didn't know Miraz had killed Caspian's father, and you didn't know he tried to kill Caspian in the night you gave birth to your son. It was not your fault..."

"Thank you, Susan... I'm very glad you didn't keep bad feelings towards me."

"Neither me nor my siblings, I can assure you."

"I'm so sorry for what happened to them and your parents..."

"It was a very hard time for me... But I'm sure they are happy now, in peace... Though I miss them so badly...", she said, her voice trailing off slightly.

"Oh, dear...", Prunaprismia held Susan's hand.

Susan decided not to let the pain come over her and quickly wiped the tears that were starting to form in her eyes.

"I'll be just fine..."

Prunaprismia checked her watch and noticed it was a little late.

"Susan, dear, I have to go now. I left my son with his tutor in the hotel, I don't want him to miss me for so long... Can we meet again?"

"Sure, I would be really glad to talk to you again."

"Next Saturday we'll be free, you can visit me in my hotel, what do you think? We can have lunch and spend the afternoon together, what do you think? Glozelle will be there too, I'm sure he will be very glad to meet you."

"It would be great!"

Prunaprismia picked a sheet of paper, wrote down the address of her hotel and gave it to Susan.

"Here it is. I'll be waiting for you for lunch then."

"I'll be there."

Prunaprismia said her goodbyes to Susan and left the coffee house. Susan stayed there for a little longer, thinking about their whole conversation.

_She's a good woman... She didn't deserve to have such a vile as her husband. But I'm glad she's got a second chance now._

* * *

When Susan woke up next morning, her first thought was about Ben. She had been thinking of him very often, by the way. Every morning she craved for the moments she would share with Ben, even knowing that during the week they didn't have much time to see each other, since they studied in different buildings and now they were both getting very busy with their studies.

Now Susan was on her way to her classes, still thinking about Ben, when a voice made her heart speed up.

"Susan!"

"Ben!", she smiled nervously, trying to calm her heart down. "Goo-... Good morning!"

"Good morning, love...", he said, blushing immediately at what he had just said, causing her to blush as well. "Err, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that... I..."

Susan only smiled at his awkwardness. She loved the way he called her 'love', but she didn't know if she should ask him not to feel sorry about that. But before she could come to any conclusion, he decided to change the subject.

"I... I'm glad I found you, I need to talk to you."

"About what...?"

"Well, my birthday is on next Sunday and I'm going to celebrate it with my closest friends, in my house, at night. I would love you to come..."

"Oh, it's your birthday! It's great! Sure I'll go, I would love to!"

Ben grinned with a genuine happiness, and he looked so gorgeous that Susan's heart ached in her chest.

"Great! I'll pick you in your dorm at 18 o'clock, is it okay for you?"

"Yeah, it's great!"

"Good... I'm inviting you now because I'm afraid we won't have time to see each other again till the weekend..."

"Why...?", she asked, a hint of sadness appearing in her voice.

"I will have some training classes out of the campus, along with my classmates. We'll leave in a couple hours. It will be a very busy week..."

"I see...", she said sheepishly. "So I'll see you only on Sunday now?"

"I don't know... Maybe we can meet on Saturday, we could take a walk... What do you think?"

"Oh... I already have an appointment on Saturday... I'm going to visit my friend on her hotel. That friend I met on the snack-bar."

"I remember...", he said, briefly recalling the memory she triggered. "So it seems we will see each other only on my birthday then...", he said, staring intently at her with melancholic eyes.

"Yes, I think so...", she said, as melancholic as he was.

Ben kept looking at her, wanting to tell her something else but not finding enough courage... He had already read several pages of the book John had lent him, and he was completely convinced that the dreams and the scenes on his mind were memories from another lifetime – a lifetime in which he had surely met Susan. Since the first time he saw her, he knew she was the love of his life, and now he was sure this love was born a long time ago, on another time. But he wasn't sure of what to do now. He couldn't simply tell her this, or she would think he was going completely insane. Besides, he needed to go to his classes now...

"Well, I need to go now..."

Ben got closer to Susan, a bit hesitating, and this action made her hold her breath. He approached slowly and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, which made her close her eyes to take in the blissful feeling that came over her. Her heart was beating even faster than the other night, when he kissed her on the forehead and left her completely disturbed.

"See you...", he said, looking deeply into her eyes.

"See you...", she replied, staring at him and then catching a glimpse at his perfect lips.

He turned around and headed to his building, his heart clutched within his chest. _Oh stop being so dramatic..._, he said to himself._ It's only a few days..._ After some steps, he turned again and she was still at the same spot, looking at him. He smiled at her and she smiled back. But he didn't have time to stare longer at her, since one of his classmates approached him, catching his attention.

Susan remained still, following Ben with her gaze till she couldn't see him anymore. She felt a hint of pain inside her heart and she took a deep breath. _Oh stop being so dramatic..._, she said to herself._ It's only a few days..._

_Only a few days..._

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Hello, people! Thank you so much for the reviews! I'm already using some of the ideas you gave me, thanks a lot! ^^

**I did something different in this chapter: I wrote it in English first instead of writing in Portuguese and then translating it. I hope it isn't too weird... XD**

**Now... R&R please! :)**

**PS1: The book **_**From India to the Planet Mars**_** is another actual reference. Its author, Théodore Flournoy, was a professor of psychology at the University of Geneva and author of books on psychic phenomena.**

******PS2 (for those who are not registered): Please forgive me guys, but I've disabled the anonymous reviews. I'm really sorry, but I needed to do it, before things got out of control. I hope you comprehend, guys... But you can always register, you know! It's very useful, since it allows you to subscribe your favorite stories and receive update alerts! ;)**

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REVIEW REPLIES

**Sazz: Oh thank you! But worry not, Susan will realize her real feelings soon... :) Thanks for the review! :D**

**Klara: They're cute together, aren't they? XD Believe me, I was surprised with Prunaprismia too! I hadn't thought about bringing her to the story till a very few weeks ago, I'm glad it worked! Thanks for the review! :)**

**edding: Thank you very much for the compliment, but I'm not that good at all! Besides, C.S. Lewis used to write for children, and this story isn't for children at all... LOL So you want to know my age... Well, all I can say is that I'm somewhere between 20 and 30... =P**

**Florence, Flavia, Your1Fan, Narniandreamer: Hmmm... Why do I think you're all the same person...? =P**


	12. When the heart speaks

**Chapter 1****2 - When the heart speaks**

It was finally Saturday. Susan awoke in the morning and decided to stay a little more on bed. Later that day she would meet Prunaprismia and Glozelle, and tomorrow... Tomorrow she would finally see Ben again... and it would be his birthday! Only one more day... That week had probably been one of the longest weeks of her life... Each day seemed like a year! Everything had been extremely boring and nothing could cheer her up.

"_You're sad because you haven't seen Ben since Tuesday, isn't' it?"_, Marianne had asked her after their last class yesterday. Something ended up distracting them and they changed the subject, so Susan didn't have time to answer to her question. But Marianne was right. She was sad because Ben was away from her.

Her heart had almost broken into pieces when he told her they wouldn't be able to see each other for the rest of the week. But why was she feeling like this? She did feel terribly attracted to Ben and highly appreciated his company, but wasn't she overreacting to his absence? She had already come to the conclusion that she needed to restrain her feelings, or she would end up hurting him. But these feelings were growing so stronger that it was getting really hard to control them.

_Damn__, I can't let this silly attraction hurt Ben! I can't give him any hopes when my heart belongs to Caspian! Caspian...?_

Susan felt something really strange when she thought of Caspian. She realized she hadn't been thinking of him since several days ago. Only Ben filled her thoughts now... In the beginning, thinking of Ben always made her think of Caspian, but now... it was different. Did it mean something? She didn't know, but she needed to find out.

* * *

After having lunch with them on their hotel and hearing about their life since they came from Narnia, Susan was now telling Prunaprismia and Glozelle about Lucy and Edmund last journey to Narnia and their encounter with Caspian, who had been king for three years by that time.

"I was sure Caspian would end up doing this, I was sure he would try to find the lost Telmarine lords."

"It was such a shame that some of them were already dead... I still find hard to believe how cruel Miraz was, trying to get rid of them... And I still can't believe how blind I was back then. If I had any idea of..."

"Please, don't be so hard on yourself, honey", Glozelle said. "Even if you had discovered something, how would you have stopped him? I'm sure he would have made everything sound right to you somehow."

"Well... I guess you're right..."

"So that was the last time of your younger siblings in Narnia?", he asked.

"Yes, our cousin Eustace joined them, and some time later he went back to Narnia once again, this time with Jill Pole, a friend of his. But then several decades had passed in Narnia, and Caspian was already an old man. They helped to find his son, Rilian, who had been kidnapped years ago."

"His son? Caspian had a son? So he got married?", Prunaprismia asked.

"Yes... He married Lilliandil, the star they met on Ramadu's island..."

Prunaprismia and Glozelle exchanged looks, since both noticed the sad tone on Susan's voice when she said that. Prunaprismia decided it was time for Glozelle to leave them alone for some moments.

"Glozelle, would you mind checking on Adrian? He's been very quiet, I'm afraid of what he might be doing...", she gave a small laugh.

"Sure", he answered, immediately getting Prunaprismia's subtle message. "Excuse me, Susan. I'll be back soon."

Prunaprismia waited for Glozelle to leave the room and turned to Susan.

"Dear... Can I ask you something... personal?"

"Err... Well, yes..."

"How did you go through... you know... being away from Caspian?"

Susan widened her eyes in shock.

"Ho-... How do you know about me and Caspian?", she asked. When she kissed Caspian goodbye, Prunaprismia had already gone through the portal...

"Well... Though I didn't attend the coronation such was the shame I was feeling because of Miraz, I was still living in the Telmarine castle. I stayed there till the last minute, and... I've seen you and Caspian together a couple times. I knew there was something going on between you two", she said. She had also seen Susan entering Caspian's bedchamber after the coronation ball, but she decided it was better not to mention it. Susan would probably feel pretty uncomfortable...

"So you knew it...", Susan said awkwardly, blushing slightly.

"Yes, I knew it... You fell in love with him, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did..."

"And he fell in love with you too... I could see it in his eyes. The way he looked at you... I had never seen him looking at any other girl the way he looked at you."

Susan just smiled.

"How did you feel when you discovered he had married another?"

"I felt terribly hurt... I suffered so much that I tried to erase both Caspian and Narnia from my mind, and I really thought I had succeeded. But then my parents and my siblings died and I had to face Narnia again, because my happiest moments with my siblings had happened there, and I found myself replaying every moment in my mind over and over again."

"I see... It must have been very hard for you, dear..."

"Yes, it was... But it got even worse..."

"Worse?"

"Yes... When I met Ben..."

"Ben? That guy that was with you the other night?"

"Yes."

Susan was feeling quite relieved. She finally could talk about her Narnia-related worries to someone! She was feeling extremely happy for having met Prunaprismia. She wouldn't need to hide anything from her, for she was a Narnian herself – a Telmarine Narnian, but still a Narnian.

Then Susan told her about how she met Ben and how he brought back her pain for having being 'betrayed' by Caspian. She also told her about her attempted suicide, the blood transfusion and the friendship she had established with Ben.

"Susan, I'm so shocked... I would never guess that this sort of things had happened to you... But I'm glad you're okay now. But this guy, Ben... Are you really sure he's not Caspian himself? I mean, it's such a coincidence that he appeared in your life and that he ended up developing feelings for you, don't you think?"

"Well, I've already thought about that. But I think it _is_ just a coincidence. I huge coincidence, I admit, but still just a coincidence. I mean, it would be impossible. Till a few years ago, Caspian was still alive in Narnia. And Ben was born in London and he's been living here for the last 22 years. I can't imagine Ben living here while Caspian was living in Narnia and both being the same person. Logically it's impossible."

_Logically it's impossible_... Susan realized she had already said these exactly words before. She once thought it was logically impossible to find a forest inside of a wardrobe, and she was proved wrong. _But now it's different..._, she said to herself._ This time it _is_ logically impossible..._

"Yeah, maybe you're right... But the similarity between him and Caspian is quite impressive... Well, you said you think he has feelings for you... And what about you? Do you have feelings for him too?"

Susan blushed again, causing Prunaprismia to smile.

"I... I don't know exactly what I feel for him. I feel very attracted to him, and I know it started because he looks like Caspian. But he doesn't know I feel this way, I think it wouldn't be fair to him. I mean, if he really likes me, he would be very disappointed if he knew that my feelings for him are due to his resemblance to someone else."

"I see, I understand you... And how is he like? Besides looking like Caspian, of course..."

"Well, Ben is... Ben is the most endearing person I've ever met", she started, with a fond smile on her lips. "I admire him so much! He is intelligent, funny, kind, and he has a wonderful heart. We have so many affinities... We like the same kind of books, and the same kind of films. We can talk about anything for hours and we never get tired. And we have so much fun together...", she said, her voice gaining a sweet and loving tone. "I love the way he treats me, he's always so gentle and so sweet... And I love the way he talks to me. His voice is so soft, so beautiful... And I love the way he looks at me... He makes me feel special and I feel like I would lose myself in his eyes... When I'm with him I feel so happy and pleased... And when I'm not with him, I feel... sad and incomplete."

Prunaprismia was astonished. She was completely amazed at the way Susan let her heart speak, even if she did it unconsciously.

"Susan, how can you say you don't know what you feel for him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look at what you've just said! You don't feel attracted to him only because he reminds you of Caspian, you do admire him for what he really is and for how he makes you feel. And, to tell the truth, by the tone of your voice, by the smile in your lips and by the flush on your cheeks while you were talking about him, I don't think 'attraction' and 'admiration' are the right words to define what you feel for him..."

Now Susan blushed heavily. Had she been that emotional in the way she talked about Ben? She hadn't even noticed it... She just thought about him and described her feelings towards him...

"You mean... I love him?"

"Yes, my dear... You were just too blind to see your real feelings. When you said you only felt attracted to him, I did believe you, but then you started saying all these beautiful and touching words... They sounded as a genuine love confession. It's a shame he wasn't here to hear that!", she giggled.

Susan smiled and looked down at her hands, a bit embarrassed.

"Well", Prunaprismia checked on her watch, "Let's have some tea?"

* * *

Ben stood in front of Susan's dorm, across the street, looking at her window. It had no light inside, so he assumed she wasn't there. _She must be still with her friend..._, he thought. He had been there for the last 25 minutes, and he knew it was useless to wait for her. He didn't even know when she would be back... But he didn't feel like leaving anytime soon. He didn't want to. He would wait for her, no matter how long. He knew he would see her tomorrow anyway, on his birthday party, but he couldn't wait so long... Especially after his last dream...

Last night he had dreamed of her again... Actually he had already had that dream before, but then it had been cloudy and unclear and he could remember only a few bits. This time the dream was clear, vivid, and he could remember every word said...

"_I'm glad I came back"_, Susan said.

"_I wish we had more time together..."_, he replied.

"_It would never have worked anyway."_

"_Why not?"_

"_I am 1.300 years older than you..."_

After that, she was about to leave, but then she turned back to him and kissed him tenderly. When they parted, she embraced him tight and he embraced her as well, before leaning down his face till his lips touched the bare skin of her shoulder.

"_I love you"_, he whispered. _"I'll always love you..."_

"_I'll always love you too..."_, she whispered back, clearly trying hold back her tears, just like him.

After that he had woke up, with a deep pain filling his heart, and this pain followed him throughout the day. He was sure this dream showed their last time together in that life. He had the clear impression that they were trying really hard to keep themselves from being more inflamed in their goodbye. For some reason they were trying to hide their feelings for each other from the other people, and Susan almost succeeded, but in the last minute she couldn't resist and kissed him. It was a very painful moment, so painful that now he couldn't bear to wait till the next day to see her again.

In addition, he was feeling a growing urge to confess his love for her; it was becoming unbearable to keep it in silence. But he would wait for the right moment... The fear of ruining their relationship was now gone, since the knowledge that she loved him back in their previous life had given him much confidence, but he didn't want to do anything stupid. Maybe in this life she didn't feel the way he felt yet, but now he believed he could win her over, he believed he could somehow reach her heart...

* * *

Susan spent a very pleasant afternoon with Prunaprismia and Glozelle, which included a delicious tea at the hotel's restaurant. Now she was heading back to the dorm, brought by the hotel's taxi driver – a courtesy from Glozelle.

When she got the entrance to the dorm and the taxi left, something made her look at the other side of the street, and her breath immediately caught in her throat: Ben's car was parked there. Susan gasped at the thought that he was there or somewhere near. Until now she thought she would have to wait till the following day to see him again... Her heart started racing at anticipation.

She crossed the street towards his car but he wasn't in it. There was a small park nearby, then Susan started walking towards it. It seemed there was no one there though, for it was a bit cold. But, after some steps, she could see a male silhouette sat on one of the concrete benches. He had a small bouquet of flowers in his hands and he was staring at it thoughtfully. Susan's heart nearly stopped.

"Ben...", she whispered, not expecting he would listen to her.

She started walking towards him, and when she got closer enough, Ben heard her footsteps and lifted his face. His heart started beating wildly and he stood up, watching anxiously as she got closer and closer. He wasn't sure if he would have enough self-control not to...

"Hi...", she said, smiling sheepishly. Oh, she loved him so... She hadn't realized it till she opened her heart to Prunaprismia, and now she asked herself how she could be so blind!

"Hi...", he smiled back, looking deeply at her stunning blue eyes. She was even more beautiful, and the soft flush on her cheeks made her look absolutely adorable. He was aching to pull her into his arms and hold her, to feel the warmth of her body against his... He tried hard but he couldn't find the right words to say... Then he offered her the bouquet. "This is for you..."

"Thanks... It's so beautiful...", she said, enchanted at Ben's heart-melting sweetness.

"Not as beautiful as you", he replied, looking intently at her. He wanted her to know how badly he had missed her, but he didn't know if...

"Ben, I missed you so badly...", Susan said, verbalizing the words Ben was hesitant to say, before crossing the space between them and taking him into a tight embrace. She tried _really_ hard not to throw herself into his arms, but she just couldn't resist anymore, especially after this heart-melting gesture of his. She needed to feel him close to her, even if she seemed like a silly teenage girl. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pressed her head against his chest and closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of being with him again.

"I missed you too, my dear...", Ben said, insanely happy at such an intense reaction from Susan. He held her tight as well, and that proximity inflamed such emotions inside of him that he wasn't able to think reasonably anymore. He buried his face into her hair and took a deep breath, exhaling her intoxicating scent.

Susan felt his heart pounding madly, just like hers, and she slowly lifted her face to look at him. When their eyes met, she saw so much love and devotion in his gaze that her heart sped even more, if that was possible. A warm and pleasant feeling filled her chest and all she wanted to do right now was to lose herself into this feeling.

Ben took his hand to her face and caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, touching softly her velvety skin while his gaze focused on her lips. Such alluring and beautiful lips... He was desperate to kiss her and to show her how much he loved her. He focused again on her eyes, seeking for any positive reaction, and he couldn't hold back a smile when he noticed she had been staring at his lips too.

Susan gasped when he placed his hand on the side of her neck, his thumb caressing gently her cheek, and started to lean down. Her gaze kept locked on his till his lips were within an inch of touching hers. Then she closed her eyes, and what she felt next made her forget about everything else in the world.

Ben kissed her slowly, taking his time to enjoy the sensation that he had been craving for since he first met her. His lips caressed hers in a chaste and pure kiss, and she kissed him back, tightening the hold around his waist.

The kiss didn't last too long; they soon parted to look at each other's eyes. Ben was mesmerized by the intensity of the feelings Susan was triggering on him. Now he realized he had been waiting for this moment not since he first met her some weeks ago, but since the last time he saw her on their previous life, which probably happened centuries ago! Now he stared deeply at her and he could see in her eyes the same craving he was feeling right now: the craving for more.

Ben was already leaning down again when Susan took her hand to his neck and pulled his face towards hers, parting her lips as soon as they touched his, in a clear invitation to deepen the kiss this time. And when he did so, it was his time to wrap his arms around her waist and hold her tight as their tongues swirled around one another in a much wanted passionate kiss.

They lost themselves in that kiss, completely forgetting about what was going on around them. Susan kissed him with all her heart, and she felt as if she was about to melt... Now she had both arms around his neck, sliding one hand through his hair while the other held the bouquet.

Ben tightened the hold around her waist as he explored her hot and sweet mouth. While he kissed her, images from several other kisses he had shared with her many centuries ago now came back to his mind, as if the kiss had triggered more memories to come, and this caused his sensations to grow even stronger.

The need of air finally made them break the kiss, and they stared lovingly at each other.

"I just couldn't wait till tomorrow", he whispered after resting his forehead on hers. "I needed to see you as soon as possible..."

"I was dying to see you too... I'm so glad you came, Ben, I... I missed you so much... It was the longest four days of my whole life! It made me realize how much I... how much I love you."

Ben felt amazed at her words. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. It was too good to be true! She loved him... She _did_ love him...

"Susan, you have no idea of how happy I am now... I love you too... I love you since the first time I saw you..."

"Oh, Ben..."

They were about to drown in another kiss, when Susan suddenly remembered where they were.

"Oh...", she said, blushing hard as she realized that someone could have seen them. She looked around and sighed in relief when she noticed they were alone in the park.

Ben held her hand and pulled her to sit on the bench. She sat down and he sat next to her, putting his arm around her shoulders and immediately leaning in to kiss her again. She gladly returned the kiss while caressing the back of his neck.

The kiss was deep yet slow, as they took their time to enjoy the blissful moment they were sharing. When they broke the kiss, they both silently protested at the fact they needed to breath. Ben stared tenderly at Susan while a shy smile appeared on his lips.

"Susan..."

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow, when I take you to my house, can I introduce you to my family as... my girlfriend?", he asked, causing her to giggle.

"What an original way to ask me to court you...", she said with a half-smile on her lips.

He smiled sheepishly and looked down, his cheeks reddening softly.

"I would love to be introduced as your girlfriend...", she answered, smiling tenderly at him.

The large grin that appeared on his face caused Susan's heart to nearly melt again. How could he be so sweet and so adorable...?

Ben pulled her into an affectionate embrace, and she rested her head on the curve of his neck. They remained like this for some time, exchanging sweet words and loving kisses. It was a very special and magic moment for both of them, a beautiful surprise reserved for this day and which none of them expected to be blessed with.

**

* * *

**

**Surprise! I bet you didn't expect their first kiss to happen in this chapter! :P (Or you did? If so, I swear I'll try to be less predictable next time... XD)**

**Well, I'm s****orry for the delay in updating the story and in replying your reviews... I've been so busy lately, work is just eating my time!**

**But ****I hope you liked the chapter! ****Now... reviews, please! :D**

**PS.: Happy Holidays everyone! Have a blessed Christmas and a wonderful New Year! :D**


	13. The birthday dinner

**Chapter 1****3 - The birthday dinner**

Since she woke up in the morning, Susan couldn't take a smile from her face. She was replaying in her mind every single moment she spent with Ben yesterday. She was so happy! She had finally realized what she felt for him, with Prunaprismia's help, and now they were together! She almost didn't believe when he said he loved her too... Although he had given some hints that he had feelings for her, she found it hard to believe it... How could he love someone weak and coward like her? How could he love someone who tried to get rid of her own life?

But he _did_ love her, and this fact made her admire him even more. He had such a beautiful and wonderful heart! He gave his heart to her even though she thought she didn't deserve it... And then she remembered that someone else had already given his heart to her too. And she had just thrown it away...

_Oh, Caspian..._

The smile disappeared from her face and was replaced by a full of sorrow, sad expression.

"_Caspian did marry, provided an heir and was always loyal to his wife. But his heart was always yours, Susan, always...__"_, her sister's words echoed inside her mind. _"He also suffered a lot by having to move on without you, having to marry another to ensure Narnia's safety when all he wanted was to have you as his wife..."_

Caspian never stopped loving her, and now... she loved another. She spent so many years thinking he was a liar, thinking he had betrayed their love when he married the star, and now _she_ was the liar, _she_ was the betrayer!

Susan sat on her bed and started remembering her moments with Caspian, in Narnia. She remembered all the times he said he loved her... In all of them, she said she loved him too. And now she had just said the same thing to another man... But the strange thing was that the more Susan thought about Caspian now, the more confused she felt.

The truth was that she didn't feel like she had stopped loving Caspian at all! But, at the same time, she was sure she loved Ben with all her heart – and that was not because he reminded her of Caspian anymore, but because of the wonderful person he was. Oh, that was getting really weird... As a student of psychology, she certainly had come across this kind of case, but she couldn't remember anything that could help her now...

Before she could start elaborating her confused thoughts into theories, she looked at her watch and realized Ben would arrive soon. He had invited her to spend some time with him, since he wouldn't have much to do at home – his mother and their housekeeper were taking care of everything for his birthday dinner. Susan would be on his party at night, but his friends would be there too, and he would have to give attention to everyone, not only to her. But he made it clear he wanted to spend some hours only with her today, just the two of them, and she gladly accepted.

Some minutes later, she approached the window just in time to see Ben's car stopping across the street, and the smile came back to her face, much larger than before. Then she took his birthday gift, which she had just wrapped in a lovely paper, and... decided to place it back where it was. She could bring Ben there, she thought, since he never came into her dormitory room before. She was about to visit his house, so it was fair to allow him to visit the place that has been serving as her only home for the last few months.

Susan decided to wait for the doorman to notify her about Ben's arrival and then told him to let Ben in. Shortly later, she heard a knock on the door and she quickly opened it. Her heart was already beating fast, and when she placed her eyes on him, it sped even more. He was looking so heart-melting...

Ben's eyes shone when he saw her. Since he left last night he had been thinking about her and about their first romantic moment almost uninterruptedly; he was thinking of her when he fell asleep last night, and she was his first thought when he woke up. He was eager to see her again, and now... He just couldn't find the right words to say, but he knew exactly what to do. He took his hand to her chin and lifted her face a bit while he leaned down to place a tender kiss on her lips.

Susan closed her eyes and she felt as if she was floating on clouds... The kiss was very brief, and when they parted Ben stared lovingly at her.

"Good morning, my love", he said almost whispering, a ravishing smile playing on his perfect lips.

"Good morning, love", she whispered back, barely keeping herself from kissing him again.

She suddenly remembered where they were and looked at both sides of the corridor. Luckily, there was no one there.

"You better come in...", she said. It was the first time she brought a man to her room, and she wasn't sure if it would be wise to let other people see him by her door. Mr. Jonathan, the doorman, was the only one to see Ben there so far, but he was a very kind old man, and extremely discreet as well, so she definitely didn't need to worry about him.

Ben entered Susan's room and smiled. So that was the place in which his sweetheart lived. He imagined many times how it would be, and now he could see it with his own eyes. It was a very clean room, simple yet adorable, and her scent was everywhere. He used to imagine her daily life in it, her sleeping times, her studying times...

He also wondered if she kept there something that reminded her of her family, and now he found the answer. He approached her desk and there was a beautiful picture of her with her siblings and parents. He looked at them intently. Once again, he felt as if he had known her siblings. _Well_, he thought, _I know Susan from another life, my dreams made me sure of that... Maybe I knew them too_... He almost lost himself in his thoughts for a brief moment, but Susan's voice caught his attention.

"Ben?"

He turned around to face her and he immediately grinned at what he saw.

"Happy birthday!", she said, holding a beautiful medium-size box and stretching her arms on his direction.

"Oh, sweetheart, thank you!", he said, taking the box. He took it to her desk and embraced her tight.

"Happy birthday, my love...", she said, embracing him too, "I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I wish you can achieve all your dreams, always... You're the sweetest person I've ever met, and you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Thank you, sweetheart", he said, truly touched by her words.

"Well... open it!"

He grinned, turning to the package, and happily started unwrapping it. When he opened the box, his heart nearly jumped out of his chest. He was astonished and could barely contain his perplexity, for the object before him had just triggered a whole new set of long lost memories to flash incoherently inside his mind. It was a beautiful and exquisite model of a ship. But it wasn't an ordinary ship. It was a very different one, as if it had come straight from a fantasy world, which made him a bit confused. The ship was breathtaking; it had a head of a dragon sculpted in wood as a bow, and its mast held a huge and regal purple sail. He could see himself planning the construction of that ship and, later, sailing by unknown seas aboard it.

He was so astonished that he couldn't say a word. Susan noticed his amazed expression, but she thought it was just a normal reaction from someone that loved ships and never saw a ship like that.

"I thought maybe you would like it... I know you love ships, and I'm pretty sure you never saw a ship like that one, because it was a creation of my brother Edmund."

"Your brother created it?", he asked, even more confused. That ship was a creation of her brother? It didn't make any sense; he could clearly see that ship on his memories now!

"He made the sketches, actually.", she said, obviously lying. She had to create a story for that ship, since she couldn't tell him the truth... And technically she wasn't lying, Edmund did make a sketch of the Dawn Treader and planned to make a model of it, but he never had the chance... "Edmund made this drawing a long time ago, but he was so busy lately that he never found the time to go to a modeling house to request a model based on his sketch. I was keeping his drawing with me, and when you said about your family business and about your love for ships, I thought that maybe you would like it. I requested this model some weeks ago and I was going to wait for the right moment to give it to you. But coincidently it got done in the same day you told me about your birthday!"

"Aw, it was so thoughtful of you, Susan, thank you so much! I loved this ship, it's amazing and somewhat magical! And I can see your brother was very talented, because this model is just perfect!"

"Perfect? What do you mean?"

Ben realized he had said too much. That model was perfect according to his memories from that ship. But he was quite confused now... He could clearly see it in his past now, but Susan had just said it was a creation of her brother... _What if Edmund had memories from his past life too, just like me? I'm sure I've met him before, as well as Peter, Lucy and Susan herself. Maybe we sailed together in this ship in our past life, and for some reason Edmund remembered it too! _That sounded like a perfect explanation, he thought.

"Yes, it's perfect because it's so full of details, look! If all these details were in his drawing, so he was very talented indeed", he 'explained'.

"Yes, I think he was", she smiled.

"Does it have a name? Did Edmund give it a name?", he asked. He was sure that ship had a name, but he couldn't remember.

"Yes. It's called Dawn Treader."

"Dawn Treader... It's a very beautiful name", he said. Although he couldn't remember that name by himself, it sounded perfectly right for him. But he decided to put this thoughts aside for now, he would have much time to think about this matter later. Then he turned to Susan again.

"Thank you very much, my dear. I simply loved it! But you know what?", he took his hand to her face and caressed her tenderly. "You didn't even need to give me another present, you know..."

"Another?"

"Yes. You had already given me your heart. And this is the most precious gift I could ever receive."

Susan felt her cheeks burn at his words and at the way he was staring at her. His gaze was so loving and so sweet... That man before her was the sweetest and the most ravishing man in the world, she was sure of that, and he was there, saying such beautiful things to her...

Ben held gently her face with both hands and kissed her. The kiss started softly, but soon turned into a deep one. Susan wrapped her arms around Ben's waist and lost herself into that kiss. His lips were smooth, sweet and warm, and caressing them with her own lips was such a delight! Not to mention the taste of his tongue on hers... The way he kissed her made her weak on her knees and a soft moan came from her throat, making Ben smile against her mouth.

With much reluctance, he decided it was time to break the kiss for now. First because of the effects Susan had on him. His sensations were growing _really_ strong, in a not very decent way... And second because he knew it was not proper for him to stay that long in a lady's room, even if this lady was the love of his life. He cared about her reputation, and although they weren't doing anything wrong, the others didn't know that.

"Well", he said as soon as they parted, "I think we better go now... I don't want to cause you any trouble."

"You're right", she said, immediately getting what he was talking about. "So, what do you have in mind?"

"Let's take a walk and have lunch together. I'll bring you back in the mid afternoon and then I'll come back later to pick you for my dinner."

"Okay, it sounds perfect to me!"

* * *

"I hope Ben will get here soon, I want him to be here when Henry comes back", Emily said, anxiously waiting in the living room. Next to her were John, Marianne and Danna, who had arrived shortly before Ben left to pick Susan.

"He will be here soon. Susan's dorm isn't far from here", Marianne said.

"Susan... I so want to know this girl! Ben has been talking so much about her lately that I feel like I've already known her for ages!"

"She's our friend too, and she's a wonderful girl! I'm sure you will like her, Mrs. Whittaker!", Danna said.

"But Ben and Susan have been so close lately that Marianne and Danna even complain that Susan exchanged their friendship for his!", John said playfully.

Emily laughed at John's comment, but what she was finding really funny was the fact that John had no idea that Ben and Susan weren't just friends anymore. Marianne and Danna seemed not to know it either, but she wasn't going to tell them. Ben and Susan wanted to tell it themselves.

It didn't take long till Ben and Susan finally entered his house and headed to the living room, hands linked, which caused John to lift an eyebrow. Emily quickly stood up and approached them.

"Mother, this is Susan... my girlfriend."

John's chin dropped and he made a very funny face, which caused Marianne and Danna to giggle, although the two girls were quite surprised too.

"Oh, my dear, Ben told me so much about you! It's a pleasure to finally know you!"

"The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Whittaker."

"Oh, please, call me Emily...", she said, smiling sincerely at Susan.

"How could you?", John asked in disbelief, glaring at Ben.

"How could I... _what_?"

"How could you hide this from me! Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"And miss the opportunity to see you making _this_ face? Never! I knew you would freak out...", he said laughingly while leaving the room to take a look at the dining room.

"I'm not freaking out..."

"Where's father?", Ben asked, already coming back.

"He had to leave for a moment but he'll be back soon."

"And why do we have two more plates on the table?", he asked with a puzzled expression.

"Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you yet... But it has to do with the reason why your father had to leave...", she said, half-smiling to her son.

He smiled back and decided not to keep asking. He liked surprises, and he had a feeling this would be a great one. But he didn't need to wait too much. Sooner than he thought, his father entered the main door, being followed by two beautiful ladies that he knew very well.

"Hilda! Marion!", he said in a burst of joy, for he didn't expect to see his sisters on his birthday.

"Awww, Panda, happy birthday! I missed you so much!", Marion said while embraced Ben _really_ tight.

"Thank you, sis, I missed you too, I'm so happy to see you! But I'll be even happier if you let me... breathe..."

"Oh... sorry...", she chuckled, releasing him.

"Now, my turn!", Hilda said, and Ben embraced her lovingly.

"I'm so glad you both came!"

"Happy birthday, Ben! We thought we would do you a surprise this year! Unfortunately our husbands couldn't come with us, but they send you their best wishes. Dad went to pick us at the airport."

"Thank you so much! I'm so happy you came, it means a lot to me..."

"Of course it means, we're the best sisters ever!", Hilda said while turned to her mother, making Ben burst into laughing.

Then Ben looked at Susan, who was watching the scene with amusement. She knew how much Ben loved his sisters, and he missed them so very much that she was really happy for him now. He approached her, took her hand and pulled her to greet his sisters, who were now exchanging loving kisses and hugs with Emily.

"Susan, let me introduce you Marion and Hilda, my beloved sisters", Ben said, before turning to them. "This is Susan. She's my girlfriend..."

"She's _what_?", Hilda asked, her jaw dropping, just like John's earlier.

"Aww, nice to meet you, honey!", Marion said, hugging Susan. "You're so pretty!"

"Thanks...", Susan said, blushing slightly. "It's my pleasure to meet you."

"Glad to meet you, Susan!", Hilda said. "I'm glad Ben finally got a girlfriend, I thought he would end up becoming a priest, you know."

"Hilda!", Ben shouted. Susan looked at him and noticed his completely flushed cheeks. "Don't listen to her, Susan... Hilda can be very inconvenient sometimes...", he said, glaring to Hilda.

"Oh, don't be so cruel... You hurt me saying those things...", she said, faking a hurt puppy-dog face. "But I did think you would become a priest...", she giggled.

"Am I missing something?", Susan asked, a bit confused.

"Well...", Ben said awkwardly, "It's just... You're my first girlfriend."

Susan smiled widely at this revelation. For some reason, she found it extremely cute. He was just turning 23 and had never dated any girl before her! She felt somewhat flattered to know that, and a bit guilty too, since she not only had 'dated' someone else, but she also had... No, she wouldn't think about this matter now. It was definitely not the right moment.

"What about me, son? Won't you introduce this lovely lady to me?", Henry said, approaching Ben and Susan.

"Oh, of course, father". Then he turned to Susan. "Susan, this is my father, Henry. Father, this is my girlfriend, Susan."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Whittaker."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Susan! I'm very glad to finally know you. And thank you for coming to celebrate my son's birthday with us. You're very welcome."

"Thank you, sir", she smiled to him. He seemed to be a very nice man, and she liked him immediately, just like Mrs. Whittaker. They had welcomed her so warmly! Ben undoubtedly had wonderful parents.

Susan never thought she would feel comfortable in such a glamorous mansion. The Whittakers' house was a huge and fascinating mansion, and she felt awkward when she first placed her eyes on it. She suddenly felt so small, so ordinary, but Ben's parents and sisters turned out to be just as kind and wonderful as Ben, and they definitely didn't act arrogantly nor as if they were superior, unlike many other rich people out there. Although they were undeniably very rich, they seemed to be very down-to-earth, and now she could clearly see where all Ben's goodness came from.

"Well, everyone is here, I think we can have our special dinner now!", Emily said, happily inviting everyone to the dining room.

Marion suddenly held Ben's hand on the way to the dining room and got closer to him.

"Love at first sight", she whispered in his ear, and he immediately grinned at her.

"Thank you, sis", he whispered back, really grateful for her words. For him, they had a very special meaning...

Ben was so happy! All the people he loved were there, his parents, his sisters, Susan... Not to mention his friend John, Marianne and also Danna. Although she was not exactly a close friend to him, she was Susan's friend and John's love interest, and he thought it would be nice to invite her too.

He wanted his birthday dinner to be cozy and intimate, only him and his beloved ones. When he was a child, his parents used to prepare big parties for him and for his sisters, and he used to invite his friends from school. He used to have a great time, but once he grew up, he didn't feel like having big parties anymore. He became a very calm and private person, and now that's how he liked to celebrate his birthdays, just with family and closest friends.

Once everyone took their places, Ben made a very short speech, thanking them for being with him on his birthday, and they raise their wine glass to drink to his health. Ben was a bit worried about Susan drinking wine, but she assured him that she was okay. She had already gone through her drinking issues – actually she didn't even fully develop it, it had been just a weak moment of her life, a moment that he had helped her to overcome. She didn't feel the need to escape reality anymore, for her reality now was a very bright one. And its brightness was called Benjamin Whittaker.

Agatha, the Whittakers' housekeeper, prepared Ben's favorite food for the dinner: lasagna. He loved Italian food in general, but lasagna was his favorite dish ever. Agatha was an excellent cooker, and the dinner was simply divine, and so was the dessert, a delicious tiramisu.

While savoring the dessert, Susan noticed a very beautiful painting that was hanging on the wall in front of her. It was a stunning portrait of the Statue of Liberty, which brought her sweet memories from when she visited America with her parents, many years ago.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?", Emily said, noticing Susan's amazement.

"Yes, it's... stunning!"

"Can you see the name signed in the bottom?"

"Hmm? No, I can't see it from here."

"Take a closer look..."

Susan nodded and, as she had already finished her tiramisu, she stood up and walked towards the painting, being followed by Ben's intent and anxious gaze.

"Benjamin C. Whittaker? Ben! Is this your painting?"

"Y-yes..."

"You never told me you liked painting! You're such an artist!"

"Oh no, I'm not an artist at all... It's just a hobby. I used to paint just to relax, but since I started university I no longer had time to do it."

"Aw, that's such a shame! Ben, it's truly beautiful!", she said sincerely.

He could see that she was really amazed by his painting, and he felt really happy, although he didn't consider his art that good... He was to humble to see and admit he painted really well.

"Thank you, Susan", he said, sheepishly. "I'm glad you liked it."

"Liked? I _loved_ it!"

"Ben, you should show your other paintings to her!", Marion said.

"There are others?"

"Many others!", Emily answered.

"Oh, I can't wait to see them!"

"I'll show you later", she said, much for Ben's despair.

He knew his mother very well, and he knew she would start over praising him. The truth was that he was very critic when it came to his own art, and he painted them such a long time ago... He was feeling really anxious that Susan would see his other paintings as well...

After everyone finished (and repeated) their dessert, they headed to the living room and spent a good time there, hearing Marion's and Hilda's news from France and Italy and chatting about several subjects.

"Panda, Susan, how long have you been dating?", Hilda asked.

Susan giggled at the 'Panda' nickname, and Ben groaned playfully at his sister.

"We've been together for... well, 24 hours."

"Wow, you started dating yesterday?"

"Yes...", Susan answered, holding Ben's hand.

"You make such a cute couple! I'm proud of you, Ben, I knew you would inherit our wonderful taste!", Marion said, making Susan blush again. "Oh! If you just started dating, I bet mom didn't have time to show you Ben's pictures as a child, did she?

"No, not yet...", she said, catching a glimpse at Ben, who was starting turning green.

"Oh, wonderful idea, Marion!"

Ben glared at Marion, but she pretended she didn't notice. She was used to tease her brother, and she felt extremely amused by his reactions.

"Actually I'll show his paintings first, let's save the photos for later. All his paintings are in our library. Let's go there now?", Emily said, inviting the other guests as well.

"Yes, sure! Now I'm very curious to see them!", Susan said.

"They have such a library here, it's just amazing!", John said to Marianne and Danna while they followed Emily, Susan and Ben.

Marion and Hilda stayed at the living room with Henry, while the others headed to the library.

"So our Panda is a grown boy now... He even got a girlfriend!", Hilda joked, making Marion and Henry laugh.

"I'm happy for him. She seems to be such a lovely girl", he said. "He took so long before giving his heart to someone, as if he was waiting for someone special. What's your opinion about her, Marion?"

"Love at first sight. She's perfect for him! Since I placed my eyes on her I could feel she will make Ben really happy", she said with a wise tone on her voice.

Henry and Hilda smiled. Marion had a very accurate sixth sense concerning people's nature and intentions. In some cases she needed some more time to 'read' a person, but when she said 'love at first sight', it meant that she was immediately and absolutely sure about someone's goodness.

As soon as they entered the library, it was Susan's turn to have her jaw dropped. The library was spectacular! Several shelves with uncountable books covered two walls almost completely. There were also many exquisite objects adorning the place, and they were probably mementos from the different countries the family had already visited. Emily led Susan to the wall where Ben's paintings were hanging, and she showed her the first one. Ben was obviously dying of anxiety to see Susan's reaction.

"This one he painted for me as a birthday gift a few years ago."

"The Eiffel Tower! It's enchanting!", she said completely mesmerized, much for Ben's contentment (and awkwardness).

"Yes, it really is! I love France, it's my favorite country, besides England, of course. Come on, look at this one. The Tower of Pisa. Isn't it incredible?"

"It's amazing! Ben, how can you say you're not an artist?"

"Oh never mind, he always does that... He's such a humble boy, he will never admit he has such a talent..."

"Oh mom, don't you start, please..."

"Why? It's true! Don't be silly, Panda, you have to learn to accept compliments..."

"And you also painted the Coliseum, and the Big Ben!", Susan said, admiring the other paintings. "Ben, you've depicted all of them masterfully! I'm impressed!"

"Thanks...", he said, blushing hardly, but smiling at Susan.

"But he didn't depict only real places, he created some of his own too."

"Oh, really? How interesting!"

"Yes, some of them came from drawings he did when he was a kid, and then later he elaborated them into beautiful paintings! But they are in his study, upstairs. Do you want to see them?"

"Mom...", he moaned desperately. If he was already anxious about Susan seeing his paintings of famous places, now he was terrified. What if she didn't like his original creations?

"It's okay, Ben, I would love to see them too! Your paintings are so wonderful! I do want to see what else you've done..."

Emily led Susan to Ben's study, and he followed them, while the others stayed at the library, since they're quite interested in everything there.

"Come in, Susan", Emily said, entering the study. Ben's study was much smaller than the library, but equally enchanting, and Susan smiled when she saw the model of the Dawn Treader adorning his desk. "Here are Ben's favorite creations!", Emily said, pointing to a wall in which there were three paintings, side by side.

Susan looked at the first one, and what she felt then made her completely forget how to breathe. Her heart nearly stopped such was her shock. The painting before her depicted something she never expected to see – at least not in the Whittakers' house. How? How could it be? It was impossible, it was completely illogical! Several conflicting thoughts passed through her mind, but none of them seemed to make any sense.

The more she stared at the painting, the more confused she felt and the more she doubted her own eyes. But no, there wasn't any doubt there. The drawing had been so perfectly made and was so full of details that there was no way to deny it.

She was looking at a perfect representation of the Telmarine castle.

**

* * *

**

Hello, people! I'm so so so sorry for such a delay!

**This chapter was the hardest one to write so far, because I got stuck in some scenes for weeks and my creativity was definitely not helping... Not to mention the lack of time, of course. Like I said before, I've been very busy, I'm working so hard lately, and it's getting really hard to update the story quickly. But I won't abandon it, I promise! But I can't promise I'll update it with the same frequency I used to in the beginning, I'm so sorry for that... :( **

**And that's also why I'm not replying to all your reviews, guys, but I'm very grateful for all of them, really! Thank you very much for your wonderful feedback****, and also for some wonderful ideas! Many thanks to ****Stardust From The Planet Gallifrey (I had to put spaces on your pen name because FFNet refused to show it for some weird reason +_+)**, who helped me with the idea of Susan giving Ben a model of the Dawn Treader, and to lillysea for the idea of Ben artistic skills and, as consequence, his paintings of Narnia. Thank you, girls! :D And – better late than never – thanks also to FelipeMarcusThomas for the idea of having Prunaprismia and Glozelle married, which I first wrote about some chapters ago. You guys are fantastic! :D

**Well, I'm not exactly thrilled about this chapter, but I truly hope you liked it! :)**


	14. Realizations

**Chapter 1****4 - Realizations**

The soft breeze of the night filled the room and touched Susan's form while she was laid comfortably on a cozy bed. The room was dark – not totally, due to the light provided by the moon, which Susan could see from the bed. She had one arm behind her head, while the other one lied across her belly. Her gaze focused sometimes on the moon, sometimes on the roof above her. Her mind, a maze full of confusion.

She never felt so confused in her entire life. She had gone through a very hard time that night, struggling to hide from the others all those intense emotions, which she definitely was not prepared to feel. Thank goodness now she was alone, in Ben's bedroom. Had she been in another situation, her cheeks would be probably flushed now, but there was so much going on in her mind that she didn't even realize she was on _his_ very bed... She closed her eyes, trying to organize her thoughts. Now she was alone and, although she knew someone – probably Ben – would check on her soon, she would surely have some time to think about the latest events...

"_It's __so beautiful, isn't it?", Emily said, showing her son's painting to Susan. "I don't know how Ben's imagination could create such an amazing castle, especially because he was a child when he first drew it!"_

"_It's not _that_ amazing, mom...", Ben murmured, clearly embarrassed._

_Susan__ was completely petrified. She was staring at the painting of the Telmarine castle and she could hardly believe her own eyes. Her heart was beating furiously and she was aware that she was breathing slightly faster. But she couldn't show her emotions, not now! How could she explain her reaction? She didn't even understand what was going on! But she tried hard to keep calm... The last thing she wanted was to seem like a schizophrenic in front of Ben's family._

"_It's really__... amazing... indeed", Susan replied, trying hard to contain her perplexity and doing her best to sound as normal as possible._

"_And what about this one?", Emily led her to the next painting, followed by Ben._

_Before looking at the second painting, Susan took a deep breath. She had a feeling that she was going to see another Narnian picture..._

"_From his original works, this is my favorite one!", Emily said. "There's something strange and, at the same time, magical about this one. Only Ben could have the idea of depicting a lit lamppost in the middle of a snowy forest! He has always been such an imaginative boy!"_

_As soon as she laid her eyes on the painting, __Susan started battling a strong urge to cry. The Lantern Waste... That picture brought back her memories from her first time in Narnia, bringing back all the pain for not being able to go to that enchanted land again, and making her suffer once again the loss of her siblings. In addition, she felt more and more confused... She felt as if her heart was about to explode! There were so many different feelings taking over her that she was even starting to feel dizzy._

"_It does seem somewhat magical... Thi-... This is a very special painting, no wonder why it's your favorite...", she said, nearly stammering, trying really really heard not to show her shock and her pain._

"_And this is the last one," Emily said, stopping in front of the third painting. "This is such a majestic piece of art! To tell the truth, I have no idea of what it means, and Ben doesn't seem to know either, but it's so beautiful! He said this image just came to his mind once and he thought it would result in a good painting. He was definitely right!"_

_Susan looked at the third painting and she couldn't help feeling shocked again. Now she was looking at the interior of Aslan's How, more specifically to the broken Stone Table, the image of the great Lion carved in the stone wall behind it. She stared intently at the picture as a new set of memories visited her already confused mind. Now she remembered all the agony she felt when she saw Aslan being killed by Jadis, and then all the happiness when the table broke and Aslan reappeared, alive and more majestic than ever. And then she remembered when she was there for the second time, during the Narnian Revolution... Susan was now focusing on Aslan, and what happened next scared her to death. His amber eyes started shining at her, as if the painting were alive. She felt as if Aslan were staring at her too, gravely. Suddenly, everything around her became black..._

Susan opened her eyes again, remembering what happened next. Actually, she didn't really know what happened next, for she had fainted. When she regained consciousness, she was nearly laid on a sofa on Ben's study, and the first thing she saw was Ben's concerned eyes looking anxiously at her. His mother had just entered the study again, with a glass of water in her hands...

"_Thank God, Susan, you woke up! Here, drink some water... Are you okay?"_

"_Yes, I guess I am... My blood pressure goes low sometimes...", she lied, before drinking the water. Her blood pressure was always perfect, but she had to come up with an explanation for her collapse._

"_Oh, I see... Marion fainted because of low blood pressure a couple times, but she went to the doctor and he __fortunately said she was okay. But you have to keep an eye on it, in case it starts happening very often."_

"_I know... Thanks for your concern..."_

"_Are you sure you're okay, Susan?", Ben asked, holding her hand and staring at her worriedly._

_She was about to answer when Emily talked first._

"_Do you want to take some rest? __I'm sure you will be fine after some minutes. Ben, would you mind if we took her to your room? It's the nearest one from here right now."_

"_Not at all, mom__. Let's go."_

"_Come on, sweetie, you can have some rest there..."_

Susan wasn't feeling bad, but she decided to accept the offer. She definitely needed to stay alone for some time, she needed to think... Ben followed them to his bedroom, but he left right after his mother, but not without kissing Susan on the forehead first, promising he would be back later. She had been alone there for several minutes now, but she wasn't able to rest at all. She was totally alert, her mind working frantically.

Before fainting, she thought she was about to go crazy... She felt completely lost! There was too much information in her confused mind, and she was so desperate between her shock and the need to hide it from the others that she was unable to think reasonably. All she wanted was to get out of Ben's house. She felt like running away and hiding from everyone. She was completely disturbed, she wanted to cry, she wanted to scream! But she couldn't... Her collapse had been a good thing after all, since it dragged her out of that extremely uncomfortable situation.

Once more she was facing her past in a way she couldn't understand. First, she met Ben, a perfect counterpart of Caspian. She didn't understand why he had crossed her way at first place, but she accepted his love, for she was in need of love too. She had briefly thought about the possibility of him in fact being Caspian, but then she pushed this thought aside, since it would be impossible. It would mean that Ben and Caspian had lived simultaneously in two different worlds for a couple years, and she couldn't conceive this idea.

But what about the paintings? How Ben could have depicted Narnia so perfectly if he hadn't been there? According to Emily, those paintings came from Ben's imagination; they were places he had been drawing since he was a kid! How was that possible? Ben had been undoubtedly born in London! How was it possible for him to have memories from Narnia? Unless...

... unless she had been wrong all this time and somehow Ben was Caspian indeed. Not the Caspian she knew, but... a sort of reincarnation, maybe? She still found hard to imagine Ben and Caspian living at the same time in two different worlds, but if the Deep Magic was involved, everything was possible. Although this idea was completely illogical, it was the most logical explanation she could come up with!

But how could she find out the whole truth? If Ben wasn't Caspian at all, so what was the explanation for all those Narnian paintings? And why he was so alike him at first place? And if Ben was really Caspian, how in the world he ended up in London? How did he find her? Besides, he didn't seem to know about his identity as Caspian, so she couldn't ask him anything about it!

_Damn, what can I do?_, she asked herself, while sitting on the bed and burying her face into her hands. She was utterly confused, and she had no idea of how she would find the answers she so desperately needed! _Aslan... I'm sure it was you looking at me through that painting... Why did you appear to me? If you were trying to tell me something, please help me now!_ _Please..._

Susan was about to cry when her eyes caught a glimpse of a book on Ben's bedside table. So he had been reading _Mansfield Park_, she thought, and she smiled, remembering one of the many pleasant conversations they had about their personal tastes in literature. He had mentioned he liked Jane Austen very much, although he hadn't read all her novels yet, and Susan highly recommended _Mansfield Park_ to him.

She took the book and opened it in the very first page, and as soon she did this, she petrified – for the second time this night. She stared at the page, nearly frozen, and her throat went dry. Her heart was racing again, even faster than when she saw Ben's paintings in his study.

_This book belongs to Benjamin Caspian Whittaker._

Susan was so shocked that her mind went totally blank. She couldn't think of anything, she couldn't do anything but keep staring at Ben's signature, more specifically at his middle name. Then, suddenly, a certain memory surfaced, rising from the back of her mind.

"_What he feels for you is very special, Su. I dare say he would cross worlds and give his blood for you..."_

Susan blinked in utter disbelief, her heart beating wildly. "Lucy said he would cross worlds and give his blood for me...", she whispered as the realization hit her, her eyes widened in shock. In fact, after she had this 'dream' with Lucy, she ended up learning that Ben did save her life with his blood, so it was proved that Lucy was telling the truth. And if Lucy was right about this, she was probably right about Ben crossing worlds for her too...

"She knew it!", Susan nearly shouted this time. "Lucy knew it and she tried to tell me and I didn't get the message! Oh my God, how could I be so stupid?"

She started crying uncontrollably and took both hands to her mouth, trying to silence her own voice. She recalled the first time she saw Ben and how he seemed to feel attracted to her since the beginning, even though she tried to stay away from him... And then he saved her life, offering his blood to her unconditionally and reassuring his love even when she thought she didn't deserve it... She was mean to him, she hurt him and yet he was there for her...

"Ben... Caspian...", she whispered, her voice trembling between her tears. There was no doubt anymore... Ben was Caspian! Even though she couldn't understand how it happened, everything else made sense now! Somehow, Ben _was_ Caspian! There was no way to deny it anymore! There were still so many gaps, so many unanswered questions... But Lucy's message had been as clear as water, and Susan nearly wanted to punch herself for not having realized this before. How could she be so blind? Why did she close her eyes to so many evidences? Oh, she knew why... Because of her stupid skepticism, that's why. Her excessive logical rationality had stopped her from seeing the truth... again. Hadn't she learned anything from finding a whole new and magical world inside of a mere wardrobe...?

Tears continued flowing down her face while she tried to calm down. How was she supposed to face him again now? Ben would probably come to check on her sooner or later, but he couldn't see her like that! How would she explain her tears? On the other hand, she wanted to see him as soon as possible, although she knew she couldn't talk about any of this to him, not yet. She was sure he didn't remember anything about Narnia apart from the places he depicted, which he judged to be creations of his own mind. By the way, this fact amazed her to no ends... He didn't remember Narnia, he didn't remember being Caspian and he didn't remember her, but yet he managed to find her!

Susan smiled in the middle of her tears, and soon the smile became a large grin, although the tears went on flowing. She was so happy now, so insanely happy! Not that she wasn't happy before, she truly was! Since Ben appeared in her life, he managed to make her happier than ever, bringing light back to her heart and soul. Now she felt like her chest was about to explode, but of joy this time, unable to contain so much happiness and so many emotions! Ben was Caspian, and she wasn't going mad after all! Her concerns about loving Ben and Caspian at the same time were totally unfounded, for they were the same person, her only and true love...!

Taking a deep breath, Susan seemed to be calming down now, and she wiped her tears with the back of her hands. She couldn't wait to see Ben again, although she wasn't sure if she would be able to contain her emotions. She stood up quickly and left his bedroom, heading to the stairs. She stopped in the middle of the way, though. She was passing by Ben's study and noticed the door open and the lights still on. But there was no one there.

She couldn't stop herself from entering the study in search of Ben's paintings. She walked to the wall with the paintings and stopped in front of them, and now she could admire them fully, without any mind confusion. She was mesmerized with the perfection of those pictures and she smiled at each detail Ben had been able to depict so masterfully. She looked at his beautiful signature on the bottom of the paintings and she wondered if he had the same handwriting as Caspian did.

_If only I had had the opportunity to see anything written by Caspian__, back in Narnia, now I could..._, her thoughts were interrupted as soon as she focused on Ben's signature on the third painting, the one depicting Aslan's How. The first time she had seen that painting, she fainted before being able to catch that detail. Ben had signed his full name there...

_Thank goodness I fainted before noticing this in front of Ben and his family, __otherwise I would surely have freaked out!_, she thought.

As soon as she thought this, Susan heard footsteps coming and stopping by the door. She turned to look at the door and found Ben standing there, gazing at her intently, concern still mirrored in his eyes.

Susan's heart sped up again, and she stared at him in a mixture of love and amazement. _Caspian..._ She could barely believe that Ben was really Caspian, and she could barely take in everything this fact implied. If Caspian was in her world now, it was because of her! He had crossed worlds and saved her life, as Lucy suggested on their 'dream talk'. He had given up Narnia for her...

Ben had been staring at her too, trying to be sure she was okay, and noticed the way she was looking at him. He felt somewhat sheepish and approached her slowly.

"Are you feeling better?", he asked, stopping mere inches from her.

Susan only nodded, staring up at him as if she were hypnotized, completely mesmerized. She was looking at him as if she hadn't seen him for years. Well, technically, she indeed hadn't seen Caspian for the last 6 years...

"Are you sure you're okay?", he asked, smiling shyly.

"I am...", she giggled, for she noticed he had noticed the way she was looking at him.

Ben caressed her face, causing her to close her eyes at his warm touch. She opened her eyes again and moved closer to him.

"You gave me such a scare, my love...", he said, wrapping his arms around her.

"Sorry... I didn't mean to scare you..."

"I know...", he whispered before leaning down to kiss her.

Susan took one of her hands to the back of his neck while the other rested on his chest. They kissed for some long minutes, the kiss soft and chaste. Susan's heartbeat was frantic, as now she kissed Ben with the knowledge that he was her beloved Caspian. She felt the urge to deepen the kiss and release all the emotions she was feeling right now, but she managed to control herself before someone caught them in such an intimate moment. They eventually broke the kiss, and she smiled at him widely, her eyes so bright and so full of happiness that Ben felt a bit confused, wondering what caused this sudden reaction.

Susan turned to the paintings once more, and so did Ben.

"You fainted while looking at them... You didn't pass out in horror, did you?", he asked playfully, causing her to laugh.

"Of course not!", she managed to say in the middle of her laughing. When she ceased laughing, she looked at him tenderly. "They are marvelous, Ben! I've already said it and I will repeat it: you're such an artist! It's a shame you don't have time to paint anymore, I hope you can do it again soon," she said, smiling at him.

"Thank you, my love. Your opinion is very important to me. I'm very happy you appreciated my paintings..."

"They're stunning Ben... Simply stunning!", she said, making him blush.

She giggled at his reaction and looked at the Aslan's How picture again, focusing once more on his full name...

"Ben... Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Where did your middle name come from?"

"Caspian? My parents went on a cruise on their second honeymoon, to celebrate their 10th anniversary of marriage. They spent several days at the Caspian Sea, and, well... I was conceived there...", he said sheepishly.

"Oh, that's such a lovely story! And Caspian is a very beautiful name...", she said, looking intently at his eyes.

"Thanks..."

Susan was trying hard to hide her amazement. It was definitely not a coincidence, and it was amazing how Ben had been born in this world in a background that allowed him to be named with his very Narnian name...

"Well, let's go back downstairs? It's your birthday and I don't mean to keep stealing you from your family any longer...", she smirked.

"I would have no objections, you know...", he half-smiled, placing a soft kiss on her lips before taking her hand and leaving the study with her.

On reaching the living room, Susan noticed Ben suddenly started turning green. When she followed his gaze, she giggled, noticing that Emily was holding a huge photography album. Hilda was sitting by her side, and she grinned as soon as she saw Susan, completely ready to do what she liked the most: embarrassing her poor younger brother.

"Susan, you're back!", Hilda nearly shouted.

"Are you feeling better, sweetie?", Emily asked.

"Yes, thanks. I'm fine now."

"That's great!", Hilda said, not hiding her excitement about what she was about to do. "Come here then, this is going to make you feel even better!"

Susan chuckled, and she could swear she heard Ben groaning as she was led to sat between Emily and Hilda. Emily opened the album and started showing pictures of the family, since her marriage with Henry. Ben sat on a chair near them and sighed, resigned to his 'terrible' fate, seeing his mother and his sister engaged in the task of embarrassing him...

But he ended up forgetting his embarrassment when he focused on Susan. She was looking so very sweet while enjoying the pictures of their parents' marriage and the first pictures of Marion and Hilda as kids. Every now and then Emily or Hilda pointed to some picture and explained something, and Susan paid total attention to them. Actually, Ben was very pleased to see his sweetheart getting along so well with his family. But suddenly his pleasantness was replaced by the embarrassment again...

"Aww, how cute!", Susan said, smiling tenderly at Ben's first picture before looking at him. "Ben, you were the cutest baby I've ever seen!", she grinned, and Ben turned from green to red.

"Look at this one", Hilda said, pointing to a specific picture on that page. "Take a look at Ben's face. Can you tell what he was feeling when this picture was taken?"

"Well...", she started cautiously, first looking at Ben – who was glaring almost threateningly to Hilda – and then looking at the picture again. "He doesn't look much _happier_ than he looks right now..."

At this moment, John, who had been in the library with Marianne and Danna, entered the living room.

"Perfect timing, John! I was just about to tell Susan why Ben looked not very happy in this picture."

"Wow, it seems I came just in time!"

"Actually he seems to be mad or something... Why was that?", Susan asked.

"He was mad at me because of his 'Queen Susan'..."

"His Queen... Susan...?", she asked, pretty shocked.

"Wow, what a coincidence! You both have the same name! That's interesting! Well, when Ben was four, he made several drawings of what he said it was a queen called Susan, but you know how little kids draw in general... They do a complete mess with several different colors and then they say it's their mom, or dad... I used to do this kind of drawing to, of course; every kid does. And Ben made this drawing of 'Queen Susan', and he said he was going to marry her."

"How interesting...", she said, smiling at Ben, whose cheeks were reddening again. So he somehow remembered her when he was a kid... Her heart just melted. "But why did he get mad at you?", she asked.

"Because I said his 'Queen Susan' was ugly. Alas, he almost killed me!"

"Oh, don't be dramatic... I didn't even touch you..."

"Because I was quick and dodged in time! You aimed your panda at my head!"

"I should've aimed better, you know..."

Susan and John were laughing hard at the sibling discussion, probably the funniest scene they had ever seen.

"After this, I picked the panda and ran as fast as I could, and he ran after me, but he couldn't catch me. I was older – well, I _am_ older than him – and faster too, and when he realized that, he stopped running, sat on the floor and started crying..."

"Aw... did you make him cry?"

"Yes, I did... And I regret that, you know... I was so used to tease him, but I had never made him cry before. It nearly broke my heart to see him crying, and I never did it again."

Ben looked at Hilda, completely astonished. It was very rare to see her speaking seriously, especially when she was talking about him. He knew she cared about him, both his sisters did, but that kind of display of her feelings was just... unusual.

"Eventually I went to him, gave back his panda and said Queen Susan was very beautiful. But he only forgave me much later. We took this picture later that day, but Ben was still resentful and he couldn't simply pretend he was happy in the photo."

"Ben, do you remember this well? You were only four...", Susan asked.

"I have very few memories from that age, and this is one of them. How could I forget such a trauma?", he said, looking playfully to his sister.

"Oh, who's being dramatic now?", Hilda asked, before making a face to him, which made him giggle.

Marion and Henry came to join the conversation, and Susan watched closely the family interaction, much for her amusement. They seemed like a very happy family, and she was really happy for Ben. He had been given something he never had as Caspian: a real family. Caspian's parents had died when he was very young, and the only family he had was Miraz and Prunaprismia... He had all the reasons to envy her and her siblings for the big family they were and for the love they had for each other. But he never did. He truly wished he had a family like hers, but he never envied her.

But now, in his life as Ben, he had such a wonderful family! He definitely deserved this happiness, and she was grateful that he had been given such a chance, the chance of having a family that really loved him and cared about him – chance that had just been taken away from her... She felt somewhat melancholic, but she quickly pushed this feeling aside. She needed to focus her thoughts on Ben and on what she was going to do next... But now, she just wanted to enjoy the rest of that so special night.

* * *

**Hello, readers! Biggest delay ever, isn't it? I'm so very sorry for that, I truly wish I could update the story more often... :(**

**Again, sorry for not having replied to all the reviews, guys. But I want you to know that I loved all of them, really! You're amazing! ****And sorry also for the potential spoiler in the title of the chapter, I didn't have a better idea... XD ****Gosh, how many 'sorries' today!**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!**

**Now... please, review! :D**


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